Marriage Magic Mindbody Wellness tips
Dear Awesome Woman,
Why does upping your self-care make for a happier marriage? Because in reality no one can make you happy but you.
We’d love to put it on our husbands and make them do it—“if only he did this, then I’d be happy”; “if only he was more like this, then I’d be happy.”
But love and happiness are inside jobs. And it can take tremendous effort for some people depending on their personalities and circumstances in life. This being true, it can still be done.
And because life is ever-changing, we’ve got to pick ourselves up often, dust off the dirt, and strengthen those resiliency muscles we’ve got. Self-care in the way of boundaries, creativity, and wise choices is the way to up your own vibration which makes for a happier marriage since you are one half of the equation.
Here are 3 Mindbody Wellness tips to up that self-care:
1) Do get creative
Part of my healing journey in my marriage as well as in my everyday life had to do with expressing my soul. Many years ago, I had terrible aches and pains (see my About page) all over my body, and running around to chiropractors, doctors, and massage therapists only temporarily helped the pain. But my body was asking me to do something different—I had to go on an inner journey, explore my relationships with honesty, explore my emotions with grit and express creatively. I wasn’t such an artist but doing simple collages, drawing with watercolor paint pencils, painting rocks, and weaving nests was a balm for my soul. This kind of creative expression was fun and uplifting because I put no pressure on myself. Even the collages were not vision boards that can add that dreaded “should” word (The Danger of the Word “Should”). and create tension in the body.
So go ahead and get creative. You can even gather a few kind friends or acquaintances and shmooze as you create together. I’ve done this as a monthly new moon gathering (now we do over zoom, but either in person or in virtual works!) with a few women for years now. It’s a bonding time for all of us plus a way to express our souls!
2) Do Bag, Barter, or Better
These are the 3 B’s from author Martha Beck. She suffered from terrible body pain until she came up with this solution for herself.
“Bag” means not doing something that drains your energy. Put simply, if you can bag something that doesn’t bring you joy or temporarily put it aside, then do so. Do you really need to obligate yourself to the PTA fundraiser when you’re taking care of little ones and suffering from back pain? Back pain and many other aches and pains are often mindbody symptoms of repressed feelings.
Maybe some people at the fundraiser are nasty people to be working with anyway—their gossiping energy is draining. That would be something to “bag” for sure! Will you be judged unkindly for un-volunteering? Maybe. But then are those the kind of people that you want to be around? If they’re energy vampires, then saying “no” frees up your health and energy for other positive things in your life. Choose wisely, my friend.
You can even “bag” something for a while or another day. Do you really need to run to the store now or can you take a moment of fresh air self-care with a short, slow walk around the block? Even “bagging something” for an hour and choosing to get some nature in or a short rest on the couch can be a step up for better health.
“Barter” something that drains your energy means getting help — either paid help or doing an exchange. Can you get some cleaning help? Even once a week can make a difference if it’s too much to do all yourself.
Can you join a carpool to lessen your load? Or even pay someone to drive? I once hired a driver to do my carpool for a month when I had a new baby, a toddler who napped, and a few kids in school. It was a great help.
Can you get your kids to help out more? Perhaps find a creative solution.
“Better” means exactly that. You have something to do that you don’t enjoy, but you’re choosing to do it for long-term benefits or because it matters to you, so you better it. Can you better that trip to the store by listening to soothing music or a comedy audio that makes you laugh? Then great! Put those headsets on and make your time at the store better because you’re listening to something you love.
Bring a chocolate bar or a good book to the doctor’s office to sweeten the visit. This is choosing to “better” the experience.
Also, one technique I use to “better” things is to do them in chunks of time. If I have guests coming, I won’t do the marathon thing of cooking all at once. I’ll do some shopping one day, prep the following day, and cook another day. This really helps me preserve my energy and keeps me more joyful.
Find what works for you and increase the quality of your life by being very mindful and wise with your time and energy.
3) Do up your gratitude
Get a whiteboard or a journal and jot down this phrase: “Never take anything for granted” and then list about five things that come up for you. You’ll be amazed by if what was here today was gone tomorrow, you wouldn’t have taken it for granted. Do this in the morning or before going to bed. Do it a few times in between—it takes a few seconds literally but has the benefit of putting your mind in a good direction and ups your vibe. If you’ve got complaints, then use the ROAR! Process to release frustration, resentment, sadness, grief, and trauma, because those things should not be ignored even while you are upping your gratitude for life.
These 3 self-care tips are essential for helping you stay in your own lane of the highway and up your vibe which ups the vibe of your marriage. You’ll complain less to your spouse, he’ll get fewer messages of how wrong he’s getting things (please see article—“Your Husband Needs to Know What He is Getting Right By You”), and the vibe of your health and marriage will go up!
And please remember to celebrate yourself throughout the day—Arms Up! And Cheer Yourself On!
Thank you for reading! I’m so excited that you’ve joined me on this Marriage Magic Mindbody Wellness path where it’s not all talk, but an integration of your mind, body, and soul wisdom. I offer Marriage Magic sessions when you desire to increase the emotional safety, love, and connection in your relationship. Please schedule your 20-minute free Marriage Magic Clarity Call today.
As a Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach, I’ve had the privilege of working with amazing clients worldwide. Each one discovers the healing powers of their bodies, the wisdom of their emotions, and the deep connection to their intuition as well as developing skills to create a marriage they love. Check out Client Love here!
Discover more Mindbody Wellness resources here including your free gift e-guide: 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!
Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach