|Marriage Magic Mindbody Wellness Tips
Dear Awesome Woman,
We’ve had a problem with outdoor tables surviving in our backyard. I don’t know what kind of karma is going on, but somehow every time we get a table to enjoy meals out in the garden, it gets destroyed. It’s either the wind tipping the umbrella over, or one of my kids trying to move it so they can mow the grass underneath, but either way it only makes it halfway through the warm weather. The tables are glass and wind up cracking all over the grass in itsy bitsy pieces which means that we need to spend time picking them up. A wood or plastic table would be more ideal but so far we haven’t found one that can hold an umbrella, stay sturdy and not be too heavy. Sigh.
I am re-determined to find one before the summer ends.
The reason that I am sharing this is because it was Friday afternoon, before Shabbos (Sabbath Saturday), and I had told my husband that I’d love a shady place to sit on Shabbos day (when an umbrella can’t be set up). What has survived in terms of tables is an old, small, crickety metal table—one that is light and easy to move around and has lasted for 20 years. It’s the one we always return to when the others break. Kindly fulfilling my request, my husband set it up.
It blocked my view of the flowers and was an eyesore. The umbrella was crooked, there were huge bricks holding it down so the umbrella wouldn’t tip and it looked plain ugly and pathetic.
And I told all this to my husband Shabbos morning when we were taking our Maca, coffee and sushi outside to shmooze. His face dropped. “I tried so hard to give you what you asked for. I put it in front of the garden so you could enjoy your flowers and I lugged those heavy bricks so the umbrella wouldn’t fall over.”
I’ve trained with Laura Doyle and know her tips. I even wrote this article: Your Husband Needs to Know What He is Getting Right by You. But I chose not to use the skills and just let my disappointment about our table situation lead. Not the best or kindest choice.
I apologized quickly and thanked him for his hard work and his care. He really did try to make me happy. We even laughed about the situation and I shared later on that I’d love a simple solution—maybe just a long plastic table. We even have a place to put a hanging shade up instead of an umbrella (the original had also broken in the wind and though we got the replacement, my husband has been too busy to install it). All this will take time, but I’m confident that we’ll make it happen. This is the year!
Do you ever do this to your husband? Not see his heart and go straight for the kill with your emotions leading the way?
It’s certainly hard not to sometimes. Our emotions are real. Our disappointments and frustrations matter. And yet, if they are allowed to lead we won’t have peace, kindness, love, or connection in our marriages. Our husbands will be hurt, confused and lonely. They’ll either shut down or criticize/attack back. And they may also give up.
My stepmother-in-law once shared with me that her mother once criticized her first husband for how he put on his newborn’s diaper. He never changed a diaper again.
Is that ok? Probably not. Both of them were wrong. Her mother and her husband. But men can be very allergic to shame (please read—A Quiz! How Defensive is Your Husband?) and once ignited, it’s hard to get them to give or be vulnerable again. They may not take the risk and will close their heart.
There really is a better way.
As women, we don’t have to suppress our emotions, but we don’t have to share them in unproductive ways either.
That’s what somatic healing is all about and why it’s been a lifesaver for me and so many other women. You can process what’s coming up for you, be honest with yourself and yet communicate to your husband in ways that bring closeness, connection, love and fulfillment.
I invite you to reach out now to schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Clarity Call today! If you’re a woman who would love to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and be empowered as an individual, I can help you achieve that through Somatic/ Mindbody Soul sessions. They’re over the phone so no worries if you’re not local!
As a Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach, I help empower women with vitality and joy in their relationships, careers, and health. I also specialize in helping women recover from trauma, grief, anxiety, and physical/emotional pain ailments as well as access their awesome intuitive powers. Read the latest Mindbody Wellness article, 3 Tips to Relax Your Nervous System Throughout the Day and get your free gift e-guide: “3 Secrets to Solve Burnout and Get Energized the Mindbody Wellness Way” (also gives access to your free download of “Escape from the Borderline/Narcissist’s Web”).
Sharing a few testimonials from clients whose lives have been transformed and you can check out more @ Client Love:
“Working with Miriam Racquel I realized that her method of healing, using both the mind and the body, allowed for healing in the moment as well as guidance for maintaining the healing. It was transformative, and I am grateful that I was led to her.” – RS, Far Rockaway, NY
“Miriam Racquel has the unique ability to invite you to HEAL. Releasing pain, dismantling mental distortions and replacing those with truths, and gaining new perspectives improved my emotional well-being, physical health, and personal/family relationships. She is a pleasure to work with: I leave smiling and encouraged! She has breadth of training & resources, which I’m grateful to continue to learn from. Thank you, Miriam Racquel!” – L.H., Utah
Enjoy my new memoir release, God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife—a book of love, faith, humor, and Kabbalistic mystical happenings.
“I picked this book up on the recommendation from a friend and once I started reading, I couldn’t put it down. Miriam’s memoir of her journey to find faith in God’s love and the wisdom of the Torah is set to the backdrop of connecting to romantic love.
The way she wrote about her struggles to find and accept faith, it felt as if she was pulling me right along with her and I was somehow blessed with a piece of her hard earned wisdom. While I am not of Jewish faith, I felt deeply connected to what she shared. And in the final chapter, her call for everyone of all faiths to do what we can to allow love to transform the world into a place of peace. It is just the salve I feel the world needs right now for deep healing.” Sherrie Papa
Feel free to share and pass on the light on Mindbody Wellness!
Love & blessings,
Miriam Racquel (Meryl) Feldman
Master Mindbody/Somatic Healer & Relationship Expert
Author of God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife