Miriam Racquel Feldman

💜💜💜Somatic Healing works!💜💜💜 In every area of life💜

Schedule your free Marriage Magic Clarity Call today! Your marriage is worth it!

Sending love and blessings,

Miriam Racquel (Meryl)

Master Mindbody/Somatic Healer, Marriage Coach, Trauma & Anxiety Specialist

June 20, 2023

Quick Marriage Magic Tune-Up Tip—Your Way & Your Husband’s Way Are Different

Quick Marriage Magic Tune-Up Tip: Admit to yourself that you don’t know the best way for your husband or partner to get something done.

His way and your way may be very different. Acknowledging this is called humility and respect. I used to think (and sometimes still do!) that I knew the best way for my husband to drive, handle paperwork, speak on the phone, dress, parent the children, diet etc. And yet, how silly. Our personalities and natures are so different! So many wasteful arguments came about from this attitude. Now I know better and most of the time (I am human!) do better.

Step in the right direction: Next time you feel like telling your husband or partner what to do and how to do it, ground by feeling your feet on the floor, taking a breath and pausing. Imagine that you have duct tape on your mouth (relationship coach Laura Doyle’s phrase). See how it feels in your body to not give your opinion or advice. Notice what physical sensations and emotions come up for you. Perhaps there is fear, humility, respect, embarrassment, or sadness. Remain with awareness in your body even if there is discomfort. This is a moment of sacred silence in which you are not taking control of the situation, but are just allowing what is. Allowing your partner to just be.

***Do not do this if there is an immediate danger to what your husband is doing or if you have a preference that involves you.

***If strong emotions are triggered, I invite you to schedule your Free Clarity Call and consider purchasing marriage magic healing/coaching sessions. Sometimes it’s just small tweaks that can make huge differences in your relationship! Somatic/Mindbody healing is the way to accomplish this—we get to core emotions and subconscious beliefs, releasing on a somatic level what is not serving you in your relationship. The results are permanent and profound.

#marriage #wellness #peaceinthehome #enjoyyourmarriage #mindbodywisdom

Download your free gift e-guide: 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!

And other resources here!

If you’re dating, I’ve got an e-guide for you: Dating Magic

As a Somatic healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition in their relationships, career, and health. Looking forward to connecting!

Client Love:

“I reached out to Miriam Racquel shortly after I had just gotten married as my marriage was not turning out to be the fairytale I had always dreamed it to be. Within just a few sessions I began feeling so empowered to make positive, lasting changes in my marriage that I had control over, and the wisdom I have accessed through Miriam Racquel’s help has truly transformed my marriage into the playful, passionate one that I have always desired. I love the mind-body healing work that Miriam Racquel infuses into her sessions. These practices have allowed me to release my emotions in a powerful way and give me a great sense of relief, validation, and confidence to help me move forward with love.”

N.C.G., Atlanta, Georgia

Love & blessings,

Miriam Racquel (Meryl)

Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach

June 8, 2023

Receive Monday Marriage-Magic Somatic Wellness Tips

B”H

Receive Monday Marriage-Magic Somatic Wellness Tips

Dear Awesome Woman,

I sometimes feel sad when I see a marriage that didn’t work out — 2 people (especially with kids) going their own ways. Being humble and realistic and not knowing the circumstances behind the split, I understand that for some marriages, it’s best for the couple to not be together because one of the partners is incredibly unkind, warped and abusive. But for many circumstances, this is not the case — just a lot of misunderstandings and no marriage skills whatsoever. We are raised on math and science but not on relationship wisdom. And childhood homes can be quite dysfunctional so there is not much to learn from.

But often, and I see this in my couple’s program that I do together with my husband as well as with my clients in my Mindbody Soul sessions, with the right kind of help, a difficult marriage can transform rather quickly into a peaceful, kind and loving one. Somatic healing techniques and marriage skills make this possible.

RECEIVE EXCLUSIVE WEEKLY MONDAY MARRIAGE-MAGIC SOMATIC TIPS TO GO FROM A PAINFUL MARRIAGE TO A REMARKABLE ONE. One you feel blessed to be in everyday.

Sign up here

June 6, 2023

Is All Silence Stonewalling?

Mindbody Marriage Magic Tips

Dear Awesome Woman,

Marine tried for the umpteenth time to explain to her husband that she doesn’t want certain words used around the children.

“Please, be more sensitive to what I’m asking you to change. It’s really not a big deal.”

Joe responded angrily, “Stop telling me what to do. You’re always so controlling and I don’t want to be muzzled.”

Marine walked away, frustrated. How can she get through to her husband her need for him to be more careful with his words? She understands that he’s a guy and does things differently, but she’s also a mama bear and feels protective of her kids. A few days go by before she can talk to her husband normally and though he’s accused her of stonewalling, she just doesn’t think that is what she’s doing. She just feels shut down.

Stonewalling seems to be a popular term. But what does it actually mean? And if you’ve tried your best to communicate with someone and they just don’t get it, then is it stonewalling if you sit in silence for a few days? Or is it just that you’re baffled that you can’t get through to that loved one no matter how many different ways you’ve tried and despair has set in?

The definition of stonewalling is refusing to communicate. It’s the act of shutting down, becoming disengaged, and being unavailable for connection. But I’d like to add to the definition that it is a manipulative technique to get someone to do what you want or to avoid taking responsibility. Sort of like emotional blackmail.

But if you’re not being manipulative with your silence, then I believe that applying the term “stonewalling” is not the case. Like these examples:

—You’ve tried to communicate your needs, thoughts, and desires and your spouse brushes them off or conveniently forgets. You don’t know what to do with your frustration and you’re at the point of despair. You’ve even gone for typical marriage counseling and yet, nothing has changed. You sit in silence for days.

—You’ve tried to ask your husband to stop behaving a certain way, and he agrees, but then doesn’t stop. You shut down and are at a loss for words. Your spouse says that you’re sulking and being difficult and yet, you don’t want to engage with him and act as if everything is fine.

—You’re married to a Narcissist/Borderline and all the communication in the world has not led to you feeling safe in your marriage. You’ve stopped communicating altogether, because really, what is the point?

These examples show that your silence and disengagement are not to get your spouse to change—you’re just flummoxed as to what to do with your frustration, your sadness, your confusion, your grief. Why should you pretend that everything is hunky-dory when it’s so not? Why should you try for the umpteenth time to have peace and communication when your spouse is really the brick wall, not you?

First of all, it’s good to know that you’re not stonewalling. You’re not a manipulative person, never have been and never will be. It’s just not your nature. What you are is a sensitive person in a difficult situation.

So now that we’ve clarified that you are not stonewalling, let’s try some other techniques to up the vibe of your marriage where there is more love, connection, and peace:

1) Get honest with yourself about your feelings.

Somatic healing has to do with the recognition that “emotions are energy in motion” and are physical sensations in your body. They flow and give wisdom when you notice them. Does your jaw feel tight, your eyebrows furrowed? Does your stomach feel like it’s holding rocks? Does your chest feel constricted? These physical sensations are emotions and are energetic. Take a moment to put your hand on those areas—you’re giving your body the message that you are listening to it.

In the privacy of your own room, your car, or even the bathroom, take some paper and a pen and write a letter to your husband completely expressing yourself—even shouting on the paper. You’re not going to show him this letter— this exercise is just for you to release all the stuck words in your head and heart. You don’t even have to write legibly, it can be super messy. It’s not for anyone’s eyes but yours.

Then tear up the paper and listen mindfully to the sound of the ripping. Life is a sensory experience and tuning into the sounds in your environment is very grounding to the body.

With this exercise, you’re preventing yourself from ruminating by dropping into your body (noticing the sensations) and letting out your thoughts and feelings freely. This is different than just talking it out with a friend or therapist, even though you can do that too.

Getting honest with yourself about how your body is affected by certain interactions as well as releasing some of the thoughts that swirl in your brain, can help you get wise as to how to move forward. You may hear your intuition sharing what can be done that hasn’t been tried before. Even dropping the attachment to the situation is something—perhaps you’re being triggered from a childhood wound or are future-tripping with your imagination about scary consequences that are simply not true.

Or not. The changes you desire may be very important.

But the first step is to drop into your body. The full somatic release technique—The ROAR! Process— rids the body of resentment and stress and may be of further help to you.

2) There are techniques of communication that can help and unfortunately, many women haven’t heard of them.

Some of these, I learned in my coach training with relationship author, Laura Doyle. They were game-changers for me in my marriage. I share a few in this Marriage Magic article: When There’s Tension With Your Husband Around Important Issues, Try This!

According to Kabbalah, men and women are different—there are biological, chemical and brain differences as well as cultural differences. Besides your husband having a different perspective on things, the male culture that he was raised in can be highly shaming and blunt. Vulnerability is not welcomed most of the time. Therefore, your husband may be highly allergic to shame, criticism, negative judgment, and expectation energy from you, his loved one. If you haven’t read your free e-guide, then I encourage you to do that today: 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!

3) If your husband is a Borderline/Narcissist, professional help is necessary.

Can people change? Sure. That being said, a marriage with a person who has many Borderline/Narcissist traits takes extra know-how and support. Changing even the dynamics of this kind of relationship is tricky to navigate. I encourage you to download my free e-guide—Escape from the Borderline/ Narcissist’s Web for greater understanding. The web is what you want to escape—the marriage, if you have children and financial dependence, may be necessary to maintain—with hope for change. Further guidance is always needed.

As you can see, relationships are very nuanced and people’s emotions are complex. Everyone is looking for love, security, and connection and we didn’t have classes in the art of giving and receiving, communication, and vulnerability in school. And that’s ok. It doesn’t have to be too late to start—it’s just having some tools and know-how to begin. Be kind to yourself in the process.

Need a helping hand? The Mindbody Marriage Magic path is where it’s not all talk, but an integration of your mind, body, and soul wisdom. I offer Marriage Magic sessions when you desire to increase the emotional safety, love, and connection in your relationship. Please schedule your Free 20-minute Marriage Magic Clarity Call today.

For dating: Dating Magic

For working individually or together with your husband (Couples Workshop): Marriage Magic

Please check out Client Love to read testimonials from clients whose lives and relationships have been transformed.

“Dovid, I want you to know that after working together with you and Miriam, my marriage is just so much better. I feel more secure, more loved, and more connected to than ever before—even more than while we were dating.” —A.S., Michigan (Couples Workshop)

Love & blessings,

Miriam Racquel

Master Mindbody/Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach

May 15, 2023

Level Up Your Marriage—Interview with Tyler Todt

Does Your Husband Feel Safe With You? 3 Tips To Create A Marriage You Love!

B”H

Marriage Magic Mindbody Wellness Tips

Dear Awesome Woman,

Was together recently with my husband, Dovid Feldman, LCP and health, fitness, positive habits expert, and awesome dad, Tyler Todt, sharing super helpful marriage tips.

Was a blast from the past as Dovid & I talked about our journey and the marriage tips that help us have a strong, connecting and loving relationship today.

CHECK OUT the interview here: Level Up Your Marriage

-Relationship wisdom

-Our journey in dating & marriage

-What women can bring to empower men

-How men can provide the best environment for women

If you’re a woman who would love to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and be empowered as an individual, I can help you achieve that. I offer women personal coaching by way of Somatic Healing sessions as well as a Couple’s Workshop along with my husband, David Feldman, LPC, AMFT. Schedule your 20-minute free Marriage Magic Clarity Call today!

Read here to explore a topic that came up in the podcast:

Download your free e-guide: 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!

Sharing a few testimonials from clients whose lives have been transformed and you can check out more @ Client Love:

“These have been the most freeing and life-changing sessions I’ve ever had! Miriam is magic!” – A.H., Colorado

“Miriam Racquel has helped me tremendously release childhood trauma using her skills with Somatic Healing.” – G.T.

Love & blessings,

Miriam Racquel Feldman

Master Mindbody/Somatic Healer, Marriage Coach & Trauma and Anxiety Specialist

May 1, 2023

A Quiz! How Defensive is Your Husband?

Marriage Magic Mindbody Wellness Tips

Dear Awesome Woman,

How defensive is your husband? You may be nodding your head up and down right now knowing the answer, with your thoughts screaming, “very!” And your body may be tensing in memory of the last conflict you had where you were shocked by his response to something that you thought was a simple request or comment. But I’d like you to take a short quiz called, “How Allergic to Shame is Your Husband?” After you’re done, return here and read on 🙂

Welcome back!

So, the higher the score in column B, the more defensive your husband is, meaning the more allergic to shame that he is. Let me explain further: as women, we may be quite perplexed why pointing out great parking spots to our husbands or asking them to take out the garbage when it’s over spilling and it’s their job anyway, may cause an intense emotional reaction on their part. We may even label them as “abusive.” But I’m going to share some insight and tips that I’ve gathered from relationship trainings, including Laura Doyle’s coach relationship training, and somatic/mindbody knowledge that can turn things around.

Any time that you, as a wife, express yourself with an energy or language that conveys your husband did something wrong or has failed you in some way will trigger feelings of shame and humiliation in him. Any time your husband feels negatively judged, it has the potential to cause his nervous system to go into fight or flight— hence snapping at you (a fight response) or escape by shutting down (a freeze or flight response). I love the term that speaker Shterna Ginsberg uses which is “highly allergic” meaning that many men are “highly allergic” to anything that smacks of disrespect, criticism, or judgment of them.

Or as Laura Doyle says, “what is helpful in female language, is controlling in male language.” Men, in general, are raised in a societal environment rampant with teasing, humiliation, and shaming. There can be quite harsh expectations for boys and men to “toughen up, be brave, stop whining, and just deal with things like a man.”

Compassion is not usually expressed to them in educational settings, sports settings, or among male friends. Being teased and being told to “toughen up” leads boys to reject the vulnerability of not knowing how to do things, the vulnerability of getting things wrong, the vulnerability of making mistakes. That vulnerability can make them feel stupid, less than, and ashamed.

Unfortunately, this male culture primes a man’s nervous system to be in a highly sensitive and alert state—they will detect any whiff of negative judgment or disrespect. As wives, we may unknowingly activate this highly alert state of our husbands with our tone, our complaining, our criticism, our judgment and our expressions of disappointment or feeling let down by them—all indications that they have failed us somehow.

When a highly allergic husband smells his wife’s disappointment or lack in him, it will trigger a shame attack and he may lash out at you. Imagine a trapped and wounded stray dog that bares its teeth. That’s the fight response.

Or imagine a little boy who got a poor grade on a test and his father shakes his head in disappointment and scolds him for not doing well enough, not trying hard enough, or not being smart enough. The little boy wants to slink away in shame. He finds a corner to curl up and brood in and builds up armor so that he’ll never be hurt again. We can see this same reaction in a husband shutting down. He may leave the scene physically or emotionally or both, closing his heart to you. That’s the flight and/or freeze response.

As a woman, perhaps you have also experienced being criticized and shamed. These are not exclusive to the male experience. The difference is that women tend to be relationship-oriented beings, so they’ll go to their friends and share their feelings when hurt. They’ll cry and get empathy, compassion, and nurturing.

But in the male culture, it is admired to be stoic and brave. Most boys will keep their feelings in, not sharing with anyone that they are sad and hurt. They want to just keep up the tough exterior that they’re ok and that nothing (and no one) can touch them. Vulnerability is a big no-no for boys and men. Hopefully, we can change that as we raise our sons, and also change the education system, but many of our husbands have been raised being shamed for their vulnerability, rather than encouraged and supported in dealing with their pain.

I believe that the key to healthy marriages in which intimacy, connection, and joy can grow is to nurture emotional safety in the relationship. Emotional safety can be judged by the state of the nervous system.

Our nervous systems have different settings and in this context, here are two which are important to be aware of:

1) A relaxed, safe-feeling state—no danger around, rest and digest, all is well.

2) An alert, defensive, and alarmed state—fight, flight, or freeze—the person feels the need to protect themselves, not just physically, but emotionally because their state of being is in some way being threatened.

We are all walking nervous systems. What state do you think joy, love, connection, partnership, and intimacy will grow in?

If your husband is constantly feeling under attack and is highly allergic to feeling shamed and judged, then he will fight back, shut down, or walk away. Now, you may have just asked him to do the dishes. What could be the problem with that?! Nothing—except for the fact that he may be primed for defensiveness (from childhood/societal wounding) in his most intimate, vulnerable relationship.

If the score was high for your husband being very defensive, meaning that he is “highly allergic” to shame, then the tips I’ll be sharing will be very helpful in nurturing more emotional safety in your home, resulting in more peaceful interactions with your husband. This will provide you with a more relaxed nervous system as well.

You may be asking why you need to make these changes and not your husband, but know that you two are a team, and since I’m only speaking with you, dear awesome woman, then it is only you who I can ask to make the shifts. My husband and I have a Couple’s Workshop and that engages both partners. As active participants, the husbands in those programs receive guidance in making changes to create emotionally safe marriages for their wives.

(I also want to note that if your husband has extreme Borderline/Narcissistic traits, then that is a much more serious discussion and even the best tips may not help the marriage. You will need one-one help for discernment and problem-solving solutions. I’ve helped many clients in these circumstances so please reach out for your 20-minute free Clarity Call to discuss how I can help.)

So what can we do?

For a husband who is highly allergic to shame, that little humiliated boy sits inside that mature man’s body, and in an intimate relationship they will lash out or shut down if they even smell the energy of criticism and negative judgment.

As wives, we don’t want to trigger that shame. It certainly does not lead to an emotionally safe atmosphere for our husbands. But if you’re like me, you may not have known that you were triggering any of this in your husband. Growing up in modern society, I was encouraged to speak my mind and be completely honest. “Say what you think!” was the given philosophy when I was growing up. But guess what? That is a terrible philosophy for marriage (and just about any relationship).

It’s not that we should shut down our own voices, but we can choose to use our voices wisely. There are words we can use to try and get our needs met in a more respectful manner. There are words and energies we can use to encourage and support rather than put down. These shifts that we make as women can create an atmosphere of emotional safety for both ourselves and our husbands. Let’s choose to create a more loving space for the microcosm of our marriage.

I’m sharing 2 tips here (with extra thoughts added) from my free marriage e-guide and when you implement these insights, your marriage will change. Peace and wellness will increase for both you and your husband. Please be sure to read the full e-guide (6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!) to benefit your marriage.

1) DROP THE “SHOULD” ENERGY & SAY IT DIFFERENTLY

Many studies where men are interviewed indicate that a husband’s deepest desire is for his wife to be happy. Now at this point in your marriage, you may be shaking your head, saying, “no way,” but as mind-boggling as this can be, it is what studies show.

I believe that when we up our vibe by making certain Mindbody Wellness shifts, we will see our husband’s desire to make us happy show up as a reality in our marriage.

One way to do this is to drop the “should” energy in your marriage, and then let your husband know what you’d like in a respectful way.

Tune into your body for a minute and feel what “should” energy does inside. Try filling in the blank sentences: “My husband should ….” Do you notice the physical sensation of tightness or tension? A furrowing of the brows or a clenching of the jaw? “Should” is an aggressive energy, whether we direct it inwards towards ourselves or outwards towards others.

Now drop the “should” energy and tap into your desires. What is it that you want? Do you want to go out to dinner? Do you want more help around the house? Do you want the bills paid on time? Try saying it this way:

“I’d love to go out to dinner. I’d love to try that new restaurant out.”

“I love when the bills are paid on time. I feel so much safer that way.”

“I’d love help with food shopping. I’m so tired after work (or after taking care of the kids).”

You may notice a softer energy replacing that tension energy of “shoulding.”You’re also telling him what your desires are without using the word “you” which could feel bossy, naggy, and controlling to a man. Expressing this way takes getting used to, but can make a world of difference. It definitely will feel more respectful to your husband.

2) APPRECIATE YOUR MAN

Women are discerning creatures. We can easily see what needs to be fixed, corrected, and changed. Including our men. But your husband wants to feel like a winner in your eyes, not like someone who always needs fixing. Not like a project or something on your to-do list.

Though feelings need to be acknowledged and felt (not ignored or suppressed) the energy of gratitude also needs to be experienced and sprinkled abundantly into a marriage. Using the ROAR! Process will help you process anger, frustration, and resentment so you don’t get stuck in those feelings. It’s also important that you acknowledge your sadness, fear, and disappointment because emotions are “energy in motion” and need to be noticed as physical sensations in the body for wisdom to be heard.

All that being said, gratitude has a very high energetic vibe. Acknowledging the good that your husband does and how it makes you feel and then communicating that to him can cause tremendous positive shifts in a marriage.

What do you see right in your husband? If you had the mantra, “Never take anything for granted” what would you notice?

Does he work? Do you have a roof over your head because he has a job, pays the bills on time? Does he clean up sometimes, cook a meal? Does he drive carpool, bathe the kids, play with them? Then tell him you appreciate these things.

For example:

“Thank you so much for working so hard. I appreciate your desire to support the family. It makes me feel loved and protected.”

“I see how important it is to you to bring laughter in the house. I love how you horseplay with the kid. Thank you.”

“I really admire your tenacity. Dealing with that roofer was difficult, but you didn’t give up. Thanks for taking care of that.”

I love what Wonder Woman, Gal Gadot, shares in a Vanity Fair article:

“In the Jewish culture there’s a prayer that you’re supposed to say every time you wake up in the morning to thank God for, you know, keeping you alive,” Gadot explains, referring to the Jewish prayer, Modeh Ani. “You say ‘modeh ani’, which means ‘I give thanks’… So every morning I wake up and step out of bed and I say ‘Thank you for everything, thank you, thank, you, thank you…Nothing is to be taken for granted.”

Obviously, your husband is not G-d, but it is so important to take nothing for granted from anyone!

So, for this tip—never take anything for granted and tell your husband how the things that he does or the qualities he has makes you feel safe, loved, and protected. Author Martha Beck once asked a white water rafter how he avoided the rocks. He replied that when you pay attention to the space between the rocks that is where your boat takes you.

Choose to sprinkle gratitude into your marriage—what you put your attention on will cause more energy to flow in that direction and your husband will want to show up more and more as the winner he truly can be in your eyes.

If you’re a woman who would love to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and be empowered as an individual, I can help you achieve that. Somatic healing sessions are the way. Schedule your 20-minute free Marriage Magic Clarity Call today!

As a Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach, I’ve had the privilege of working with amazing clients worldwide. Each one discovers the healing powers of their bodies, the wisdom of their emotions, and the deep connection to their intuition as well as developing skills to create a marriage they love. I also specialize in helping women recover from trauma, grief, anxiety, toxic Borderline/Narcissistic relationships, and physical/emotional pain ailments. Here are some Mindbody Wellness resources for you and looking forward to connecting!

Sharing a few testimonials from clients whose lives have been transformed and you can check out more @ Client Love:

Feedback from a happy client in the Couples Workshop my husband, Dovid, and I run together! “Dovid, I want you to know that after working together with you and Miriam, my marriage is just so much better. I feel more secure, more loved, and more connected to than ever before—even more than while we were dating.” – A.S., Michigan

“Miriam helped me access my own strength. She teaches practical techniques in a balanced way that helped me zoom into my own inner wisdom. Her work is focused, orderly, and most important, she didn’t try to do the work for me. But, helped me tune into to my own inner strength and voice. And from there build healthy relationships with myself and with others.” – Anonymous

“I worked with Miriam for six sessions. It has helped me enormously with many issues. I have been able to make changes in relationships and release pain from trauma. Miriam has taught me tools to use regularly to release tension. These tools are simple and quick which makes it easy to implement them. I am very glad that I reached out to Miriam. Her warmth, kindness and understanding are truly comforting!” – G.K., California

Feel free to share and spread the light of Mindbody Wellness into the world!

Love & blessings,

Miriam Racquel

Master Mindbody/Somatic Healer & Relationship Expert

April 16, 2023

Powerful Femininity

Marriage Magic Mindbody Wellness Tips

Dear Awesome Woman,

You know what makes you more awesome than you already are? It’s not what you expect.

It’s your ability to receive.

Yup, you heard me right. When you, as an awesome woman, are willing to receive, amazing possibilities open up to you. Your intuition gets stronger, your joy gets larger, your health gets better and doors (literally) open up to you.

I love the way relationship coach and author, Laura Doyle, goes into the details of this concept. Being receptive is the art of femininity. It is even closely connected to Kabbalah which explains that women, the feminine, are ‘mkabels’, which means ‘receivers’ in Hebrew.

So, let me ask you this question: How well do you receive? How often do you allow others to do for you and give to you? How often do you open your arms, surrender control, and welcome the vulnerability of receiving?

I know that for too many years, I tried to be the type of superwoman who attempted to do everything by myself, rejecting offers of help from others. I even rejected compliments. If someone complimented me or thanked me, I dismissed it with a “no big deal” statement. Or even worse, didn’t believe them.

But when I opened myself up to my divine gift of my femininity—my ability to receive—I claimed the knowledge that a Superwoman is a woman who knows that she has limited time, energy and resources. She chooses wisely, doing self care and respecting herself to rest, enjoy moments in time, and take action where she can.

She receives help with grace, honesty and humility because she knows that to be human means she can’t do it all herself. She receives gifts and compliments because she is open to being vulnerable and enjoys connections with others who are being generous with their words and care.

Now, which kind of Superwoman are you? One that does it all herself and feels drained and resentful or one who is open and receptive to help, gifts and compliments? Take a moment to sit in stillness with this question.

If receiving causes you emotional distress, it is important to question why that is. Why are you uncomfortable? Is it because you’ve decided that for the person who is offering you a favor, you’ll owe her/him something in return? Or that the person is too busy and doesn’t really mean it?

Have you decided that the person complimenting you is just being nice, but her words couldn’t possibly be true about you?

All these reasons for rejecting or dismissing safe help or kind, sincere compliments are rooted in fear and control.

As a true Superwoman, you don’t need to receive from people you don’t feel safe with, nor should you receive what causes you physical or emotional distress. As a true Superwoman, you need to cherish your being and use wise discernment.

But if the offer is coming from someone you do feel safe with and it would be helpful, releasing you from the task of doing something all by yourself, can you receive that? And if someone compliments your looks or something about your personality, can you just say a plain “thank you” with a smile?

Let’s take a look at the fear and control factor. To reject an offer for help because you think that your friend can’t afford the time is trying to control another person’s reality. You are fearing that they don’t know themselves well enough to make healthy decisions regarding their time and energy. You are driving in their lane of life.

To reject or dismiss a compliment is an attempt to decide someone’s experience of you. And perhaps fearing that you can’t possibly live up to what they are experiencing.

But can you imagine stepping into new shoes? Imagine being a woman who feels safe with her vulnerability to receive.

A true Superwoman trusts others to own their own reality; if they offer help, they mean it. And if they feel taxed by their offer, then they will have learned an important lesson in self-care—the lesson being “don’t offer if you can’t—the other person just may say yes! and take you up on it.”

A true Superwoman owns her own reality as well; she trusts herself to know when she is able to give, how much, and to whom. If she wants to do a favor, then she does. She knows her capabilities and limitations. She knows who she wants connection with and whom she doesn’t.

A true Superwoman receives help graciously and trusts herself to know whether she wants what the other person is offering. She also discerns who is offering. If she does not want a connection with that person or has found that person to be untrustworthy in the past, then she says “no thank you.”

A true Superwoman receives compliments with humility and a simple “thank you” because she trusts that this is how the person experiences her. And she receives that with grace.

Each time that you as a woman reject an offer from someone safe, you are rejecting that person. And each time you dismiss a compliment, you are rejecting the person giving the compliment. And each of these times, you are also rejecting yourself and your powerful femininity.

Being a true Superwoman means being vulnerable. Vulnerable to connection with others and vulnerable to the reality that you are human and can’t do everything yourself. There is no shame in that.

Since I’ve been practicing this beautiful type of femininity—the ability to receive and to choose trust and vulnerability over control and fear—my life has changed remarkably, opening me up to more incredible connections with others and much more joy.

So today, I invite you to receive and tap into your powerful femininity. The universe will notice your awesome receptivity and miracles will happen. Enjoy the ride!

Need a helping hand? I invite you to schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Clarity Call. As a Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition in their relationships, career and health. Looking forward to hearing your voice!

Download your free gift e-guide and receive Monday Marriage Magic Tips: 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!

If you’re dating, I’ve got an e-guide for you: Dating Magic

You’re also welcome to download another free gift e-guide: “3 Secrets to Solve Burnout and Get Energized the Mindbody Wellness Way” (also gives access to your free download of “Escape from the Borderline/Narcissist’s Web”).

Client love:

“Many challenging waves of emotions have been arising lately which I felt I did not have outlets or tools to deal with. I felt like all these emotions were sort of stuck within me. Miriam taught me more about my waves of emotions, how to access them, work through them, ride them, and rise above them. Many times emotions can be daunting and frightening to face, but with Miriam’s insightful and practical tools, they allowed me to discover how to manage during emotional challenges to arrive at a deeper and truer place within myself. I am joyful and thankful for all the work we did together and look forward to continuing to apply and integrate these wonderful coaching tools. Thank you : )” – A.C., Illinois

“I began working with Miriam not only to resolve the back pain I was experiencing but also to do deep emotional releasing that had built up over a period of time for me, especially in relation to working with highly difficult individuals. Miriam showed me some powerful processes that I deeply needed to shift both emotional and physical tension and through this work, I developed much better awareness of the mind-body connection and how I can ‘listen’ to the signals my body gives me. I now feel so much more empowered in making choices that align with what my soul and body needs. Without her support, I would have had a very hard time making changes and letting go of toxic relationships and situations that weren’t serving me anymore. Am very grateful for her support on this journey with me!” – K.W., Manchester, UK

Enjoy my award-winning memoir, God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife , a story of love, humor, faith, and Kabbalistic mystical happenings.

“I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to live a more meaningful life!” – Rivky

Love & Blessings,

Miriam Racquel (Meryl)

Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach

YourMarriageMagic.com

April 5, 2023

Is Honesty the Best Policy in Your Marriage?

Is Honesty the Best Policy in Your Marriage?

Marriage Magic Tips

Dear Awesome Woman,

Growing up in American culture, I was taught to speak my mind honestly:

“Say what you mean.”

“Let people know what’s on your mind.”

“Don’t let anyone get away with anything.” “Speak up!”

“Honesty is the best policy.”

“Closeness means sharing what you really think.”

— this was the kind of philosophy that I was raised with.

Lo and behold, 20+ years into marriage, I realized that this philosophy does not hold suit. It was all a lie. So many fights and ups and downs came about through me thinking that this philosophy of honesty was critical in a marriage.

It was not.

What is important in a marriage is kindness, delicacy and respect. And these do not add up to being honest all the time. Nowadays, I am in agreement with Laura Doyle, the marriage expert I was fortunate to train with. She advises women to often “put on the duct tape” and approach issues using feminine wisdom. This is respect.

And it is this philosophy that brings peace to the home.

Does it mean keeping everything in, swallowing your thoughts, words and feelings? No and yes. Words are best swallowed when critical, degrading and judgmental. Words can be carefully tailored when spoken to your husband of the male species.

Thoughts and feelings, on the other hand, no—do not swallow those. As a somatic healer and clarity coach who works with clients (including my own self!), thoughts and feelings can always be expressed—at least to oneself and on paper. Emotions are ‘energy in motion’ and that energy does need to be listened to and allowed to flow. Your emotions have wisdom for you, are deeply connected to your body and pave the way for you to hear your inner guidance system—your intuition. This mindbody soul connection can guide you in all your relationships. But your man doesn’t always have to hear the nitty gritty of the process.

So, next time that you feel annoyed at your hubby for the socks on the floor, the mess in the bathroom, or his lateness, don’t lash out in honesty. Instead, dive into your emotions, write out your angry thoughts on paper (and then rip it up), and approach the subject with feminine wisdom and intuition. You may realize that the issue isn’t a big deal and tap into gratitude for all the amazing things your husband does do. Or you can use communication techniques that honor your feelings with a respectful kind of honesty and don’t require attacking your man. Here are two communication tools to try :

1) Numerous studies have shown that a husband’s greatest wish is to make his wife happy (unless he is a Narcissist/Borderline). I know that if your marriage is in a difficult place, it can look and feel differently than this, but magical shifts can happen when a woman expresses her desires, without expectations and in a kind and respectful way. Try this: make a request using “I’d love” or “I’d like” without expectation energy and without the “you” word. Want the toilet lid down? How about “I’d love the toilet lid kept down.” Want a picture hung up on the wall? How about trying, “I’d love this picture hung up. I love being surrounded by beautiful memories.” Then give him the space to decide the when and the how. He may choose to hire someone else to do it, but either way he’ll know clearly what will make his wife happy and will feel respected in the ‘clean’ approach.

2) What happens if you feel criticized by your husband? Laura Doyle suggests (and it’s a brilliant one!) saying “Ouch.” And just leave it at that. Don’t go into the whole story and get into a back and forth. This word “ouch” is powerful enough to let your husband know that he said something hurtful to the one he loves.

Your home will be much more peaceful when you are careful with your honesty and your words.

Need a helping hand? I invite you to schedule your Free Marriage Magic Clarity Call. As a Somatic healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition in their relationships, career and health. Looking forward to hearing your voice!

Download your free gift e-guide: 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!

If you’re dating, I’ve got an e-guide for you: Dating Magic

Client Love:

“Miriam Racquel has the unique ability to invite you to HEAL. Releasing pain, dismantling mental distortions and replacing those with truths, and gaining new perspectives improved my emotional well-being, physical health, and personal/family relationships. She is a pleasure to work with: I leave smiling and encouraged! She has breadth of training & resources, which I’m grateful to continue to learn from. Thank you, Miriam Racquel!” – L.H., Utah

Enjoy my award-winning memoir, God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife, a story of love, humor, faith, and Kabbalistic mystical happenings.

“This was really a breath of fresh air. Many memoirs about choosing religious life have a distinct flavor–one that isn’t relatable to my own life. This was different. Miriam battled with her spirit and intellect, bringing the reader along for the journey. Her choices were well thought out and intentional. While there is also the whisper of miracles, the focus was on the intellectual process of returning home to comfortable and grounded tradition. I won’t include any spoilers here. If you’re confused about why someone might choose a very different path, this is the book to read. The flow makes easy reading out of a challenging topic. The personal narrative keeps the reader engaged and stuck to their couch.” – Yaffi

Love & blessings,

Miriam Racquel (Meryl)

Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach

February 12, 2023

Free Dating Webinar With Somatic/Mindbody Tips!

Free Dating Webinar Recording With Somatic/Mindbody Tips!
Mindbody Wellness Clarity Tips

Dear Awesome Woman,

Marriage is serious business—you’re talking about finding the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with!

Marriage impacts so many aspects of your life—your career, your children, your finances, your spirituality … so it’s crucial to choose wisely!

But how?

How can you really know you’re making the right decision?

Learn how to use Mindbody/Somatic wellness tips to navigate the dating world!

If you or anyone you know would benefit from knowing the following:
—The most important trait in a life partner
—The most dangerous thing you can do to yourself while dating
—How to tap into your body’s inner wisdom
—How to be honest with yourself
—The BRAKES method of discernment
—Red flags to watch out for—even after engagement or marriage
—Tips to keep your marriage strong once you’ve found the right guy!

Access the free gift recording, How to Marry the Right Guy the First Time (or 2nd or 3rd), by signing up for Monday Marriage Magic Tips: Home —it’s part of your welcoming package!

Need a helping hand? Schedule your free 20-minute Clarity Call today! As a Somatic Healer, Marriage Coach and Anxiety & Trauma Specialist, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition. Emotional/physical pain relief, trauma and anxiety release, marriage wellness, dating help, Borderline/Narcissist relationship detox, and career clarity are accomplished through an integrated somatic process over the phone. Mindbody Wellness is not just talk therapy! Discover your clear path to empowerment and joy now.

“There is hope! Miriam has shown me that it’s possible to release trauma, even if it’s been there for a very long time. The antidote to trauma/triggers is found in listening to your body. No matter how difficult, Miriam is one of those women who can hold your story, and guide you to a new beautiful “what if?” If you allow it, the solutions will surprise and delight you” – Chana, Baltimore

Download your free e-guide “3 Secrets to Solving Burnout and Getting Energized the Mindbody Wellness Way”(also gives access to your free download of “Escape from the Borderline/Narcissist’s Web”).

If you’re a woman who would love to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and be empowered as an individual, I can help you achieve that. Somatic healing sessions are the way. Download your free e-guide: 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!

Enjoy my Award-Winning memoir, God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife. Winner of the GOLD award in Nonfiction Book Awards, it’s a tale of love, humor, faith, and Kabbalistic mystical happenings!

“Reading Miriam Racquel Feldman’s memoir God Said What?! feels like sitting down across from the author to listen to her candidly speak her mind in a way others wish they could, and leaning in to hear her whisper innermost thoughts and personal reflections she’s not quite sure should be said aloud in mixed company.

God Said What?! will inspire many in ways they don’t even expect by the time they turn the final page. A truly special book! ~ Nonfiction Authors Association Book Awards Program

Sending love and blessings,

Miriam Racquel (Meryl)

Master Mindbody/Somatic Healer, Marriage Coach, Trauma & Anxiety Specialist

MiriamRacquel.com

December 14, 2022

Disney vs. Real Marriage

Marriage Magic Mindbody Wellness

Dear Awesome Woman,

If you grew up like me, you may have watched an enormous amount of Disney movies and Hollywood shows. And if you didn’t, consider yourself lucky!

By the time I reached my teens, hundreds of ideas of romance were embedded in my brain along with the impactful lessons of fairy-tale, infatuation-addicted love songs that played constantly on the radio everywhere.

Guess what? These were not helpful for realistic expectations of dating and marriage—not for me and I believe not for anyone.

I actually see it now as an insidious form of brainwashing. As Swiss-born British philosopher and author Alain de Botton says so clearly: “… the classic Romantic model has sold us on a number of self-defeating beliefs about the most essential and nuanced experiences of human life: love, infatuation, marriage … .” Many people are coming to recognize that these “fairy tale” expectations are not serving us well, and the high level of divorce certainly proves that the world does not educate properly and realistically about dating, relationships and marriage.

Marriage, even if you believe in the concept of “soulmates,” involves conflict, growth, and accepting imperfectionism. This is organic to the relationship itself.

I love the kindness and compassion that de Botton shares with this statement: “My view of human nature is that all of us are just holding it together in various ways — and that’s okay, and we just need to go easy with one another, knowing that we’re all these incredibly fragile beings.”

To partner up with someone is such a brave act. And false ideas and expectations of how relationships “should be” could lead us away from our loved ones instead of closer together.

So let’s get realistic. I’d like to share with you a beautiful lesson from the Lubavitcher Rebbe. A young woman named Chana Sharfstein once came to the Rebbe for a private audience. As a compassionate father figure to her as well as the spiritual leader of the Lubavitch Chassidic sect, he inquired about her dating, and then upon hearing that she had rejected some good young men, said that she read too many novels. The Rebbe shared this very timely advice that we can all take to heart.

In her words:

“Love, he explained to me, is not that which is portrayed in romantic novels. It isn’t that overwhelming, blinding emotion that is portrayed in a romance. These books do not portray real life, he said. It is a fantasy world, a make-believe world with made-up emotions. Fiction is just that—fiction—but real life is different.

And then, as a father to a daughter, he began to explain to me the meaning of real love.

Love, he told me, is an emotion that increases in strength throughout life. It is sharing and caring and respecting one another. It is building a life together, a unit of family and home. The love that you feel as a young bride, he continued, is only the beginning of real love. It is through the small, everyday acts of living together that love flourishes and grows.

And so, he continued, the love you feel after five years or 10 years is a gradual strengthening of bonds. As two lives unite to form one, with time, one reaches a point where each partner feels a part of the other, where each partner no longer can visualize life without his mate by his side.

Smilingly he told me to put aside the romantic notions developed by my literary involvement, and view love and marriage in a meaningful way.”

From the Rebbe’s very powerful words, we can see that where there is kindness, generosity, respect and partnership, love can grow and a marriage can be nurtured.

As I mention in my marriage e-guide, 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today! and Your Marriage Magic blog, creating a home of emotional safety, both for yourself and your spouse is crucial.

Many of us do not know what emotional safety is and were not raised in the most functional homes with parents respectful of each other and peace reigning supreme. We are not taught sage advice about relationships in school or even at home—the focus is academic and science, history and math do not help a marriage stay together. And again, those love songs and romantic Hollywood movies inundate our heads with fantasies that don’t work in real life marriages.

I was fortunate, in addition to my Coach and Mindbody/Somatic trainings, to have trained with marriage expert, Laura Doyle. Though I chose not to get her certification—she requires that her certified coaches coach in a particular style that doesn’t integrate my somatic healing methodology—I do include the skills in my sessions with clients. I also recommend reading her books which I find filled with realistic advice. As always, I suggest filtering everything that you read because you also have your own wisdom and intuition. However, some of the things that may cause us to cringe or balk, may just be the balm that we need for our marriages.

Alain de Botton is fun to listen to and is also very real in what he shares about marriage: On Love (and romantic myths)

Here are a few more ideas for women to consider—my clientele is mostly women so I focus on what wives can do to improve their marriages, though I am well aware that men also need to change. But since we can’t make anyone else change, my heartfelt intention is to empower you, dear awesome woman.

1) Inspirational speaker, Gedale Fenster, says that if you are 70% strong in your marriage, that is a great thing. Be satisfied and grateful for that. And do what you can to make everyday better. Each interaction with your spouse can be an opportunity to be kind and connecting. I tell my clients that each time you use a marriage skill, it is like adding a gold coin into your marriage bank account.

2) Contemplate this: “When a man does not feel loved just the way he is, he will either consciously or unconsciously repeat the behavior that is not being accepted. He feels an inner compulsion to repeat the behavior until he feels loved and accepted.” — John Gray

Though this may seem immature, John Gray is sharing a realism. It behooves us as women to listen and change the only behavior that we can—our own. It means keeping our mouth shut at times, seeing the good, never taking anything for granted, doing our inner work including owning our shadow (again, please read and do: 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!) and definitely, definitely using The ROAR! Process to release your pain, resentment, frustration and confusion as well as access your intuition. The ROAR! Process is a somatic release technique I developed and it has been a great tool to better my marriage as well as helping repair my clients’ marriages. It is also foundational for having good health.

3) Shaunti Feldhahn did surveys for her book, For Women Only. A married man said something very important for women to understand: “The male ego is the most fragile thing on the planet. Women have this thought that He’s got such a huge ego that I need to take him down a peg. No way. The male ego is incredibly fragile.” Shaunti says that “what is at stake isn’t his pride as much as his secret feelings of inadequacy as a man.”

Marriage is teamwork. Even if it feels like at times that your husband isn’t considerate of you or is shut down, there are actions you can take to bring emotional safety into your marriage and create a home of peace, love and intimacy. Our weddings and our marriages may start as beautiful fantasies, but if we don’t have skills, all those good feelings can quickly disintegrate into very smelly smoke and choke the life out of the relationship. Let’s wash our brains out from false expectations that cause pain and step into a new plane of reality—one where we step into the tremendous power of our female grace and wisdom. That is in your hands.

Need a helping hand? If you’re a woman who would love to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and be empowered as an individual, I can help you achieve that. Somatic Healing sessions are done over the phone. Schedule your 20-minute free Marriage Magic Clarity Call today!

More Mindbody Wellness at MiriamRacquel.com

“Working with Miriam has been one of the most incredible healing experiences for me. She guided me into healing some interesting and life bothering issues in my life. Dove straight into what I felt what was holding me back from being the best version of myself. I really enjoyed her way of releasing some hard emotions that I have held inside for so long. Most importantly I felt so free to open up to her. She has this really awesome way of making you feel so safe to completely be yourself. Totally no judgment.” -Rima, France

Enjoy my Award-Winning, #1 Best Selling memoir (in Women & Judaism), God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife.It’s a tale of love, humor, faith, and Kabbalistic mystical happenings.

“Ms. Feldman writes engagingly about a journey of discovery for meaning in life. She fought it tooth and nail, but inexorably, by degrees, and despite herself, her own truth emerged. This is primarily a love story, but also a testimony to the fact that even our most cherished notions of truth might be re-cast under close self-examination. It also reminds us that enlightenment may come from the most unexpected of sources. A great read!” A.H

Sending love and blessings,

Miriam Racquel (Meryl)

Master Mindbody/Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach