April 15, 2026

Is Honesty the Best Policy in Your Marriage?

Is Honesty the Best Policy in Your Marriage?

Marriage Magic Tips

Dear Awesome Woman,

Growing up in American culture, I was taught to speak my mind honestly:

“Say what you mean.”

“Let people know what’s on your mind.”

“Don’t let anyone get away with anything.” “Speak up!”

“Honesty is the best policy.”

“Closeness means sharing what you really think.”

— this was the kind of philosophy that I was raised with.

Lo and behold, 20+ years into marriage, I realized that this philosophy does not hold suit. It was all a lie. So many fights and ups and downs came about through me thinking that this philosophy of honesty was critical in a marriage.

It was not.

What is important in a marriage is kindness, delicacy and respect. And these do not add up to being honest all the time. Nowadays, I am in agreement with Laura Doyle, the marriage expert I was fortunate to train with. She advises women to often “put on the duct tape” and approach issues using feminine wisdom. This is respect.

And it is this philosophy that brings peace to the home.

Does it mean keeping everything in, swallowing your thoughts, words and feelings? No and yes. Words are best swallowed when critical, degrading and judgmental. Words can be carefully tailored when spoken to your husband of the male species.

Thoughts and feelings, on the other hand, no—do not swallow those. As a somatic healer and clarity coach who works with clients (including my own self!), thoughts and feelings can always be expressed—at least to oneself and on paper. Emotions are ‘energy in motion’ and that energy does need to be listened to and allowed to flow. Your emotions have wisdom for you, are deeply connected to your body and pave the way for you to hear your inner guidance system—your intuition. This mindbody soul connection can guide you in all your relationships. But your man doesn’t always have to hear the nitty gritty of the process.

So, next time that you feel annoyed at your hubby for the socks on the floor, the mess in the bathroom, or his lateness, don’t lash out in honesty. Instead, dive into your emotions, write out your angry thoughts on paper (and then rip it up), and approach the subject with feminine wisdom and intuition. You may realize that the issue isn’t a big deal and tap into gratitude for all the amazing things your husband does do. Or you can use communication techniques that honor your feelings with a respectful kind of honesty and don’t require attacking your man. Here are two communication tools to try :

1) Numerous studies have shown that a husband’s greatest wish is to make his wife happy (unless he is a Narcissist/Borderline). I know that if your marriage is in a difficult place, it can look and feel differently than this, but magical shifts can happen when a woman expresses her desires, without expectations and in a kind and respectful way. Try this: make a request using “I’d love” or “I’d like” without expectation energy and without the “you” word. Want the toilet lid down? How about “I’d love the toilet lid kept down.” Want a picture hung up on the wall? How about trying, “I’d love this picture hung up. I love being surrounded by beautiful memories.” Then give him the space to decide the when and the how. He may choose to hire someone else to do it, but either way he’ll know clearly what will make his wife happy and will feel respected in the ‘clean’ approach.

2) What happens if you feel criticized by your husband? Laura Doyle suggests (and it’s a brilliant one!) saying “Ouch.” And just leave it at that. Don’t go into the whole story and get into a back and forth. This word “ouch” is powerful enough to let your husband know that he said something hurtful to the one he loves.

Your home will be much more peaceful when you are careful with your honesty and your words.

Marriage Coach, and Trauma & Anxiety Specialist, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition in their relationships, career, and health. Somatic Healing & Marriage Magic skills will change your life! Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today!

Looking forward to hearing your voice 🙂

Download your free gift e-guide: 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!

If you’re dating, I’ve got an e-guide for you: Dating Magic

Client Love:

“Miriam Racquel has the unique ability to invite you to HEAL. Releasing pain, dismantling mental distortions and replacing those with truths, and gaining new perspectives improved my emotional well-being, physical health, and personal/family relationships. She is a pleasure to work with: I leave smiling and encouraged! She has breadth of training & resources, which I’m grateful to continue to learn from. Thank you, Miriam Racquel!” – L.H., Utah

PURCHASE HERE!

Books are available online as well as book stores: Judaica World, Merkaz Stam & Hamafitz in Brooklyn; Sarah’s Tent in Skokie, Illinois; Tuvia’s in Monsey; Torah Treasures in Wesley Hills; and Judaica770, Florida. Enjoy!

Somatic Healing for the Modest Goddess

“A must have book! I loved this book. So practical. So fundamental to keep my mental health and also physical health. I have been learning somatic tools for a while but this book makes everything more practical to implement.” – Amazon Customer

And enjoy my award-winning memoir, God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife, for a humorous and authentic journey into the world of Kabbalistic Judaism.

“This was really a breath of fresh air. Many memoirs about choosing religious life have a distinct flavor–one that isn’t relatable to my own life. This was different. Miriam battled with her spirit and intellect, bringing the reader along for the journey. Her choices were well thought out and intentional. While there is also the whisper of miracles, the focus was on the intellectual process of returning home to comfortable and grounded tradition. I won’t include any spoilers here. If you’re confused about why someone might choose a very different path, this is the book to read. The flow makes easy reading out of a challenging topic. The personal narrative keeps the reader engaged and stuck to their couch.” – Yaffi

“Well written, honest, engaging with a good dose of humor! Deep, insightful and a really fun read. Loved it.” —C.K.