Monday Marriage Magic Tip #116: Conversations with Men
Monday Marriage Magic Tip #116: Conversations with Men
Marriage Somatic/Mindbody Magic
Dear Awesome Woman,
The other morning, I had a lot on my mind and started to share with my husband. Mind you, this was before his coffee, but I just wanted to talk, so away I went. He’s a great listener, which I’m so appreciative of, plus a marriage and family counselor, so his listening skills are even more enhanced. But I found myself getting a bit peeved when 5 minutes into the “conversation,” he asked some questions that indicated to me that … he had missed some important details. I took a breath and tried patiently to re-fill him in on those details.
And then we started to laugh.
I sympathized with him that the way I was telling the story, very female-like with all the details, meant that he didn’t have a fighting chance to remember all of them. And that most men don’t.
We laughed that a woman is like a gatherer in the field and notices every single berry and detail that can affect her loved ones or that feels significant to her. This is estrogen-related as well as brain structure-related.
When she talks about something important to her, the story includes all the details of everything and everyone. Each detail is emotional, significant, and related to the story. In her mind.
What typically happens is that as a woman shares, the man tries to focus on one or two important details that —
#1 he’s going to get in trouble for not remembering.
#2 are important logically to the story. What is the point of her sharing?
He’s asking himself, “what help can I be?; what solution does she need?; what can I fix?” His testosterone keeps him singularly focused, and his lack of nerve fibers, which connect the left and right sides of the brain, keeps him in problem-solving mode and task-orientation.
Plus, his cortisol levels are heightened by the fact that he knows he’s going to get in trouble for what she’ll think of as “not listening,” “not being focused,” “not caring enough about her,” or “being a poor communicator.” She will put him on trial for being a bad husband. Dog house, here we come!
My husband and I had a good laugh about this phenomenon that we often hear from clients and sometimes fall into.
But seriously, since “poor communication” may be something you complain about with your husband and find yourselves often bickering and left resentful, please reach out for a free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call. Your marriage is the foundation of your state of mind and peace for the family. It deserves to be a great marriage.
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If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and desires TO BE EMPOWERED as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions. Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.
If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and desires to be empowered as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions. Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.
“… I’m so happy that I decided to take a chance on somatic healing. Miriam’s grounded, intuitive approach has been most helpful in recognizing and overcoming old patterns of self-sabotage. I can gladly say that the work has had a positive effect both personally and professionally. Thank you, Miriam, for your insightful support and clarity!” – E, New York (More Client testimonials here!)
My husband, Dovid Feldman, LPC, and I also work together with couples. Please see DovidFeldman.com.
“I HIGHLY recommend Miriam and Dovid’s program!!!! They are wonderful and amazing people!!” – Julie Cedano
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Feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their body, their emotions, and their soul.
Love & blessings,
Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
