Monday Marriage Magic Tip #99: A Close Call Travel Disaster — Conflict Resolution!
B”H
Monday Marriage Magic Tip #99: A Close Call Travel Disaster
Marriage Somatic/Mindbody Magic Tips
Dear Awesome Woman,
I got the itch to go to the Smoky Mountains for a family trip. The kids were on board as was my husband.
Great! We’re not too far and decided to drive. I checked the weather and some days/nights would be hot while others cool. I told the kids to pack for both cold weather as well as warm.
We had decided instead of driving the 9 hours straight to the Smokies, we would break up the trip — 6 hours to Cave City and then the following morning, off to our Smoky Mountain cabin retreat.
Problem was, I didn’t check the weather in Cave City, our first destination. The night before we left, I got a bit worried because that city had rain and flood warnings. Interestingly enough, the cave that we wanted to go to would be open if there was just rain — they say it’s even better in the rain. Thank G-d, we made it there fine and had a cool cave experience.
Afterwards, my husband wanted to drive a bit further from Cave City and get an AirbnB for the night. I felt concerned because of the weather, but he drove carefully using Google Maps. All was okay until Google Maps took us off the highway. Then things got scary.
As we turned onto a country road, my stomach sank. “I don’t want to be on a country road in the rain when there are flood warnings.”
My husband understood my concern, but Google Maps kept saying only a few miles up the road. The country road. When we went through an overflooded creek and there was a smell to it, my complaints got louder. I wanted to turn back. But my husband wanted to follow the Google Maps that kept saying only a bit further.
Then we got to a Road Closed sign. Now my husband was alarmed.
The kids — one a teenager and one in his early twenties — were not. They were thrilled and excited as they hopped out of the car in the rain and ran down the closed road to get a close up of the flooded river (not a creek this time, but a full blown river!). I turned to my husband and clearly said, “We have got to get out of here before it turns dark.” He agreed and I yelled for the kids to get into the car (not before my son snapped a selfie with some curious, very calm cows—see pic!).
Thank G-d, Google Maps took us to a turn off and onto a more major road where 20 minutes later (in pitch black) we reached the AirbnB.
It was a beautiful one.
But I didn’t care. I was traumatized and angry at my husband and Google Maps.
My body was still in fear. I decided to go to bed.
When I awoke early the next morning, the rain had stopped. I went onto the porch and started to thaw out from my frozen nervous system state. Mind you, I hadn’t spoken to my husband since we had arrived at the ArinB. I knew that whatever words would have come out would not have been ideal.
In the dawn, on the porch, I did some of my favorite easy movements from the internet (an energy one and a figure eight one). I did my ROAR! Process multiple times and “thought” work and other somatic exercises. This was the beginning of our trip and I did not want to have tension and feel disconnected from my husband for the next few days. Nor did I want my kids to have to experience that.
Peace in the home is so crucial for mental, emotional, and physical health for the entire family.
After about ½ hour, I was ready to reconnect with my husband to talk about what had happened on the drive. I held his hand and first thanked him for getting us to safety and empathized with him how taxing it must have been—being in a foreign area while it’s raining and trying to follow directions from an internet source that isn’t the most practical, safe, or smart.
After the gratitude and empathy, I shared how scared I was and frustrated. I shared what it was that I was scared of and how I felt that my concerns (stated as soon as we turned onto the country road) were not taken as seriously as I desired. I also shared that I wanted our kids to recognize the dangerous situation that we had been in so they could learn from the experience. I also wanted us to talk to them about the tension that resulted as a result of our differing opinions. And I wanted them to know that mommy had been right.
My husband heard me and apologized.
We went out onto the porch together and I helped him release the tension, stress, and fear from the experience by doing some somatic techniques and movement. We felt reconnected and even enjoyed our morning at the AirnB, walking through nature.
Later on in the car, we spoke to the kids about the seriousness of the situation we had been in and also, the tension that had arisen and how we worked it through.
The rest of the vacation was truly a vacation—enjoyable, connecting, and fun.
Marriage Magic Somatic Tip:
When there’s a conflict between you and your spouse, especially on a vacation, it’s important to regulate your nervous system as soon as you can. This is for your sake as well as when you’re choosing to reconnect and/or discuss the situation. We are all walking nervous systems and if we’re in the Sympathetic part of the nervous system (fight and flight or freeze), then others can feel that energy. Not much will be accomplished besides shut down and more bitter feelings.
Bring yourself back to center and alignment, send a prayer up to the One Above, and intend the best from the situation as you speak. Recognize that if you have a good man, he also wants peace and connection. The seemingly impossible becomes possible.
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Sending love and blessings,
Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
Master Mindbody/Somatic Healer, Marriage Coach, Trauma & Anxiety Specialist
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