Somatic/Mindbody Marriage Magic Tip: What’s the Difference Between Nagging and Asking More Than Once?
Marriage Magic Tip: What’s the Difference Between Nagging and Asking More Than Once?
Marriage Mindbody Magic
Dear Awesome Woman,
What’s the Difference Between Nagging and Asking More Than Once?
Insult.
That’s the answer according to laugh-out-loud motivational speaker, Mark Gungor.
He asked wives if they ever have a difficult time getting their husbands to do things. The answer was (of course), “Yes.”
But he was shocked with the response he received to this question, “How many times did you ask him?”
Their typical response was, “Once.”
His next question: “Why didn’t you ask more times?”
Their answers:
- “I shouldn’t have to.”
- “That’s called nagging.”
- “If he wanted to do it, he would have done it the first time I asked!”
- “He should want to do it.”
Gungor’s very enlightening response is this— men are very, very different than women.
“Many women say they want a man, but then get mad at him because he doesn’t think, act, or respond like a woman.” (p.104, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage)
As much as I understand now that men different greatly from women (I did not have this understanding earlier in my marriage nor when raising my sons — I wish I had), it’s still so surprising!
Here are possibilities that make for more peace in your life and in your marriage:
- Quit worrying whether your husband wants to do something. Read my brief article, Men Are Providers and Marriage e-guide.
- Ask more than once with this key point — ask without insult, disdain, or derogatory judgment. In Gungor’s words, “…men do not respond to threats and insults, they respond to rewards and praise.” Do the ROAR! Process if you’re triggered!
- If you can, hire someone to do something you’ve asked too many times or do it yourself. Pick your marriage battles.
- Ask in the way of, “I’d like or I’d love…” without the word you.
- Make sure that you are sprinkling appreciations into every day with your husband. These are gold coins in your marriage. Let him know how he is getting it right by the most important person in his life — YOU, his wife! Never take anything for granted.
In his insightful words, Gungor says, “The more a man is appreciated for the small things he does, the more things he will want to do for you. It really is that simple.”
Marriage is not a woman’s world. It is a together world of bringing the male and female together, the masculine and feminine.
And as I always say, we are all walking nervous systems. When we help create an emotionally safe environment in our marriage and home for ourselves and our husbands, so much good can happen!
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Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
