Are You Bossy?
Monday Somatic/Mindbody Marriage Magic Tips
Dear Awesome Woman,
I was reading an article by a writer named Peter Carlin and was dismayed by his wife’s response to their therapist:
“In the previous session, she’d (the therapist) told my wife—let’s call her Vicki—that Vicki wasn’t The Boss and our partnership was a collaboration, but The Boss rejected that notion.
“‘This is who I am,” she said.
It was her anthem.”
Wow. You can probably guess where this relationship wound up. Divorce. In fact, the name of the article was called, “A Divorce in Three Acts.”
My husband, Dovid Feldman, LPC, who I do a Couple’s Program with, was curious what the wife would say if she had written the article. Meaning, what may have been her reasons for assuming “The Boss” role in the marriage? He always wants to hear the other side.
I thought that was a great point.
And at the same time, I know how easily as a woman, it can often feel simpler in life to take the lead, be independent, carry the reins so things are done my way, fall into fear and control patterns, and especially, as a born and bred New Yorker, to move into position of “The Boss.”
How about you?
Maybe you’re not a New Yorker, but taking the lead and being “The Boss” in your marriage may be happening now.
It often doesn’t lead to great dynamics in the relationship, nor trust between husband and wife, nor a feel-good peace at home.
What can you do differently to become more trusting of your spouse, widen your receiving vessels, and relax more into joy and less fear?
Here are a few suggestions:
1.Notice in what areas you can lean into your husband — “where our attention focuses, more energy flows.” Each noticing (positive judgment), each gratitude, and each appreciation (including how you feel as a wife having him as your partner) is like a GOLD coin in your marriage bank account. These will also be helpful: Lean Into Your Husband and Your Marriage Magic E-guide
2. Take this quiz:
Get honest and see how you may unconsciously be showing up as controlling, shaming, blaming, dismissive, bossy, or negative-judging to your husband.
How often do you …
- Ask him to take out the garbage with a criticism: “Why don’t you ever remember to take out the garbage?”
- Get mad at him for leaving his clothes around the room.
- Tell him that you don’t like his friends.
- Tell him how to dress or make negative remarks about his looks.
- Tell him how to eat.
- Tell him his ideas are bad ideas.
- Tell him how to take care of the kids—how to change the diaper, how to feed the baby.
- Tell him how to ask for a raise, when to ask for a raise, when to get a new job.
- Go on your phone when he is around.
- Put him down for not bringing in enough money.
- Compliment him and let him know that you appreciate him.
I have this as a quiz in my book, Somatic Healing for the Modest Goddess, along with tips to get your needs met while respecting your husband. Yes, it’s possible!
There’s no scoring for this one—just a reality check for you. If you’re often criticizing him or telling him how and what to do, you’re probably strangling the bejeebers out of him. Let go of the reins (even a bit) and free him to be his own man and do things his way (even if they don’t work sometimes—he’s human and can make mistakes—just like you). His choices may be different than yours but maybe not as silly as you think. Men’s brains are wired differently than ours.
3. Schedule help!
Need a helping hand? My husband, Dovid Feldman, LPC, and I have something unique to offer!
We’re a Licensed Marriage Therapist and Coach Team, utilizing traditional, Kabbalistic, and Somatic Methods to bring peace, joy, love, and intimacy back into your relationship.
Explore the possibilities at DovidFeldman.com
“I HIGHLY recommend Miriam and Dovid’s program!!!! They are wonderful and amazing people!!” – Julie Cedano
More Client testimonials here!
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If your husband isn’t ready to work together as a couple yet, there is still so many shifts you can bring to yourself and your marriage! If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a PEACEFUL marriage and home AND desires to be EMPOWERED as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions. Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.
Sessions are over the phone and I have clients from all over the world. Marriages can slip downhill too easily, and they are too important to let that happen.
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PURCHASE BOOKS HERE!
Somatic Healing for the Modest Goddess
“I’m so grateful to have found this gem! As a Jewish woman, I appreciate the depth and wisdom found in the approach of somatic healing. This book is incredibly practical, with exercises and insights that are easy to apply to daily life. Highly recommend for anyone looking for practical somatic tools to deepen their mind-body connection!” – Chaya Hanoka
And enjoy my memoir, God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife, for a humorous and authentic journey into the world of Kabbalistic Judaism.
“I CANNOT put down your book 🤩🔥🥰 It’s totally captivating, enriching, deep, real, raw, genuine, humorous, I LOVE it!!… And it is very very clear that you (Miriam) were guided through this process and Hashem working THROUGH you — as you know I’m a flow/heart person—and it’s extremely rare for me these days to find something to listen to or read that feels like flow and heart and soul—so to pick up your book and get totally swept in was a real pleasant and exciting surprise!” – Nechama Schusterman, Los Altos Chabad
Feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their bodies, their emotions, and their souls.
Love & blessings,
Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
