Somatic/Mindbody Marriage Magic Tip #108: Gripping On for Dear Life
B”H
Marriage Mindbody Magic
Dear Awesome Woman,
“Let go, Grandma,” I shouted into my grandmother’s ear. I had to pry her gripping, waxen hands from the railing, but it was the only way to prevent her from falling.
Many, many, years ago, we were in line at the Haunted Mansion in Disneyland, Florida. What possessed my mother and I to bring my two immigrant 80-year-old grandmothers to Disneyland, and in particular, the Haunted Mansion escapes me now, but this scene has become a great metaphor for me when I find myself fearfully gripping for a stable hold in the midst of life challenges.
My grandmothers were “bubushka” types — short, round-faced Jewish women from the Old Country. Even after having lived in America for 50 years, they maintained thick accents and even thicker ways of life. This was their first time at an amusement park and my mother’s mother, who we affectionately called Grandma T. (short for Trattner), was very hard of hearing in spite of a hearing aid.
The railing that she had grabbed for was attached to the concrete floor that didn’t move; unfortunately, her feet had already stepped onto the floor that did move. We had been standing in line for an awfully long time in the Florida heat, so perhaps that is the excuse for my not paying attention to what the attendant kept repeating over and over again, “Please watch your step. The floor moves to bring you to your seats.”
I was so grateful to find myself out of the sweltering heat that it did not occur to me that my hard-of-hearing Czechlosavkian grandmother, besides being completely unfamiliar with moving floors, was also unaware of the repeated warnings. It therefore caught me by surprise when I sensed some commotion behind me and saw the attendant attempting to save Grandma T. from falling as she held steadfastly to the railing while her feet were propelled forward.
My mom and I quickly got involved and pried Grandma T.’s hands from the railing and then set her gently into the moving chair so she could experience more of America’s favorite ride with its ghouls and ghosts. Again, what were we thinking?
Both Grandmas survived the trip and even enjoyed it (see pic of both grandmothers and my red head mom, Blossom!). And it gave my mother and I endless laughter in which we would erupt into nonstop giggles spontaneously throughout the vacation and for years to come.
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I think that this scene is a great metaphor for all of us as we navigate the challenges of life and our marriages. Being committed in a marriage means having chosen to live together with a man who can be so different from us. And with him we try to come to harmony regarding the most important decisions of our lives. Wow! What were we thinking?! But as I have seen with myself and clients, and hopefully you have experienced, more harmony than not through miracles, compromise, skills, patience, understanding, compassion (self and for him), and awareness of your nervous system states.
Here are some Somatic Marriage Magic questions to ask yourself when you’re finding yourself gripping a thought, a fear, a limiting belief and resistance:
1. What nervous system state are you in?
Are you breathing? The sympathetic state of the nervous system puts us in a place of freeze, fight, and flight. What a breath of release can do when we’re gripped in this place! Exhale a long breath out, then breathe in. At the same time, stretch, get bigger, move your hands and legs, do a dragon outward breath.
With this you are actively putting yourself in the parasympathetic nervous system which is restful as opposed to the sympathetic nervous system, which is adrenal based and based on fight, flight, or freeze (like a lioness resting as opposed to hunting). When we are in fear mode, we take shallow breaths, our bodies prepare to fight or flee, and our minds are closed off to intuition and possibilities.
In addition, choose a looser, kinder, more compassionate, or faith based thought (even faith in your husband and relationship):
“My husband and I are on the same team — we both want what’s best for our home, children, relationship, finances, health, etc.”
“G-d’s got this!”
“May I give myself kindness, may I give myself what I need.”
“There’s a heart message here.”
For more tips, read:
3 Tips to Relax Your Nervous System Throughout the Day
Heart Messages For Yourself & Others—A Tip To Relax Your Nervous System!
3 Somatic Tips to Help Regulate the Nervous System
Or listen: Podcasts
2. What part of yourself are you in? Wise adult self or adaptive child self? The Wise Adult is more nuanced, flexible, humble (“I don’t know everything” “What can I agree with in what he is sharing or doing?”) and realistic (are you running from a lion and truly in danger or is your husband just presenting you with an idea?). The Adaptive Child part of you is harsh, rigid, tight in body, hard, black and white, and perfectionistic.
Read more here: Adaptive Child Vs. Wise Adult Self
3. What are you afraid of? Ask yourself this question (or have your husband ask you this question) and drop out of your frightened mind into your body and emotions. It will make a difference — you are making yourself more vulnerable and connecting. He will feel that energy shift.
Read: When There’s Tension With Your Husband Around Important Issues, Try This!
These tips will be useful to you in loosening your grip on that railing of life. Emotional safety and nervous system knowledge is a helpful key!
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Need a helping hand? If you’re a woman who desires a peaceful marriage and home AND wants to remain empowered as an individual, schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today. As a Somatic Healer, Marriage Coach, and Trauma & Anxiety Specialist, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition in their relationships, career, and health.
“These have been the most freeing and life-changing sessions I’ve ever had! Miriam is magic!” – A.H., Colorado
More Client testimonials here!
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Please feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their body, their emotions, and their soul.
Love & blessings,
Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
