Quick Marriage Magic Tune-Up Tip: Respect your own boundaries with wise discernment for your energetic health.
Especially if you’re an introvert 🙂 I used to give, give, give to my husband, children and community and then be exhausted. Being drained and moody is not a great recipe for a marriage. Once I started to do self-care, honoring my boundaries for good mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health, my marriage and life shifted for the better.
Step in the right direction: Practice receiving more. It may be uncomfortable at first, but hold steady as you welcome the vulnerability of being on the receiving end in your marriage, in your home, in your life. You won’t stop giving or nurturing, but your health will benefit from the openness of a more expanded energy.
Need a helping hand? Wanting to have peace without losing yourself in the process? I invite you to schedule yourFree Marriage MagicClarity Call. As a Somatic healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition in their relationships, career and health. Looking forward to hearing your voice!
“Miriam helped me access my own strength. She teaches practical techniques in a balanced way that helped me zoom into my own inner wisdom. Her work is focused, orderly, and most important, she didn’t try to do the work for me. But, helped me tune into to my own inner strength and voice. And from there build healthy relationships with myself and with others.”
Anonymous
“I looked forward to Miriam’s sessions. She guided me to focus on what I was feeling inside my body based on specific thoughts creating more peace of mind and body for me. She is genuine and caring and I highly recommend Miriam and her somatic method!”
S.B., Texas
“It’s been several weeks now since beginning to work with Miriam, and I’m so happy that I decided to take a chance on somatic healing. Miriam’s grounded, intuitive approach has been most helpful in recognizing and overcoming old patterns of self-sabotage. I can gladly say that the work has had a positive effect both personally and professionally. Thank you, Miriam, for your insightful support and clarity!”
Somatic Healing is truly a blessing for your marriage. You become healthier, more vibrant, joyful, and peaceful. Things that used to trigger you, slide off of you like a teflon pan. You come to love yourself more and your husband more. You come to recognize what’s working and use boundaries for what’s not.
In addition to effective marriage tools, somatic healing is a daily blessing for processing the hard stuff and tapping into your intuition.
I’m honored to be published in Her Tribe magazine for the Passover edition!
Great SOMATIC HEALING tips for expanding in joy — MIND, BODY, AND SOUL.
How kind are you to your body? What does that even mean?!
Are you people-pleasing? How out of alignment is that with your soul?
Do you welcome in your parasympathetic nervous system, which is a state of PEACE, REST, DIGEST, REPAIR?
Contemplate this: “My value as a person is independent of what any mortal thinks of me.” — Rabbi Pliskin
If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a PEACEFUL marriage and home AND desires to be EMPOWERED as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions.Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.
Sessions are over the phone and I have clients from all over the world. Marriages can slip downhill too easily, and they are too important to let that happen.
My husband and I also work together with couples. Please seeDovidFeldman.com.
“I HIGHLY recommend Miriam and Dovid’s program!!!! They are wonderful and amazing people!!” – Julie Cedano
Be done with burnout, drain, and overwhelm! Get empowered with clarity, intuitive wisdom, and vitality in your relationships, career, and health through Somatic Healing.
Integrated somatic healing processes accomplish emotional/physical pain relief, trauma and anxiety release, marriage magic, dating help, painful relationship detox, and career clarity. Discover YOUR clear path to empowerment and joy now. VisitMiriamRacquel.com or makeyourfree 20-minute Clarity Call today.
“I’m so grateful to have found this gem! As a Jewish woman, I appreciate the depth and wisdom found in the approach of somatic healing. This book is incredibly practical, with exercises and insights that are easy to apply to daily life. Highly recommend for anyone looking for practical somatic tools to deepen their mind-body connection!” – Chaya Hanoka
And enjoy my memoir,God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife, for a humorous and authentic journey into the world of Kabbalistic Judaism.
“I CANNOT put down your book 🤩🔥🥰 It’s totally captivating, enriching, deep, real, raw, genuine, humorous, I LOVE it!!… And it is very very clear that you (Miriam) were guided through this process and Hashem working THROUGH you — as you know I’m a flow/heart person—and it’s extremely rare for me these days to find something to listen to or read that feels like flow and heart and soul—so to pick up your book and get totally swept in was a real pleasant and exciting surprise!” – Nechama Schusterman, Los Altos Chabad
Feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their bodies, their emotions, and their souls.
Marriage Magic Tip: What’s the Difference Between Nagging and Asking More Than Once?
Marriage Mindbody Magic
Dear Awesome Woman,
What’s the Difference Between Nagging and Asking More Than Once?
Insult.
That’s the answer according to laugh-out-loud motivational speaker, Mark Gungor.
He asked wives if they ever have a difficult time getting their husbands to do things. The answer was (of course), “Yes.”
But he was shocked with the response he received to this question, “How many times did you ask him?”
Their typical response was, “Once.”
His next question: “Why didn’t you ask more times?”
Their answers:
“I shouldn’t have to.”
“That’s called nagging.”
“If he wanted to do it, he would have done it the first time I asked!”
“He should want to do it.”
Gungor’s very enlightening response is this— men are very, very different than women.
“Many women say they want a man, but then get mad at him because he doesn’t think, act, or respond like a woman.” (p.104, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage)
As much as I understand now that men different greatly from women (I did not have this understanding earlier in my marriage nor when raising my sons — I wish I had), it’s still so surprising!
Here are possibilities that make for more peace in your life and in your marriage:
Ask more than once with this key point — ask without insult, disdain, or derogatory judgment. In Gungor’s words, “…men do not respond to threats and insults, they respond to rewards and praise.” Do the ROAR! Process if you’re triggered!
If you can, hire someone to do something you’ve asked too many times or do it yourself. Pick your marriage battles.
Ask in the way of, “I’d like or I’d love…” without the word you.
Make sure that you are sprinkling appreciations into every day with your husband. These are gold coins in your marriage. Let him know how he is getting it right by the most important person in his life — YOU, his wife! Never take anything for granted.
In his insightful words, Gungor says, “The more a man is appreciated for the small things he does, the more things he will want to do for you. It really is that simple.”
Marriage is not a woman’s world. It is a together world of bringing the male and female together, the masculine and feminine.
And as I always say, we are all walking nervous systems. When we help create an emotionally safe environment in our marriage and home for ourselves and our husbands, so much good can happen!
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If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a PEACEFUL marriage and home AND desires to be EMPOWERED as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions.Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.
Sessions are over the phone and I have clients from all over the world. Marriages can slip downhill too easily, and they are too important to let that happen.
My husband and I also work together with couples. Please seeDovidFeldman.com.
“I HIGHLY recommend Miriam and Dovid’s program!!!! They are wonderful and amazing people!!” – Julie Cedano
Be done with burnout, drain, and overwhelm! Get empowered with clarity, intuitive wisdom, and vitality in your relationships, career, and health through Somatic Healing.
Integrated somatic healing processes accomplish emotional/physical pain relief, trauma and anxiety release, marriage magic, dating help, painful relationship detox, and career clarity. Discover YOUR clear path to empowerment and joy now. VisitMiriamRacquel.com or makeyourfree 20-minute Clarity Call today.
“I’m so grateful to have found this gem! As a Jewish woman, I appreciate the depth and wisdom found in the approach of somatic healing. This book is incredibly practical, with exercises and insights that are easy to apply to daily life. Highly recommend for anyone looking for practical somatic tools to deepen their mind-body connection!” – Chaya Hanoka
And enjoy my memoir,God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife, for a humorous and authentic journey into the world of Kabbalistic Judaism.
“I CANNOT put down your book 🤩🔥🥰 It’s totally captivating, enriching, deep, real, raw, genuine, humorous, I LOVE it!!… And it is very very clear that you (Miriam) were guided through this process and Hashem working THROUGH you — as you know I’m a flow/heart person—and it’s extremely rare for me these days to find something to listen to or read that feels like flow and heart and soul—so to pick up your book and get totally swept in was a real pleasant and exciting surprise!” – Nechama Schusterman, Los Altos Chabad
Feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their bodies, their emotions, and their souls.
One of the hardest things to do in your marriage is to apologize. And it’s even harder when you really and truly believe that it’s not your fault, that you did absolutely nothing wrong, and that it is absolutely all his fault. Sound familiar?
I used to have a really hard time apologizing in my marriage. My mind would google all the evil my husband had done to me not just in the situation we were dealing with but with the past as well—all those nonsensical things that he did. How could anything be my fault when I had married such a person as him?!
And my mind was the best googler around—the proofs would be abundant and pile on top of each other.
And then I read Laura Doyle’s advice about apologizing and came across her suggestion to apologize to our husbands. It made me think. Certainly some of the things that I was doing until that point were not bringing connection and peace into my marriage. I started to practice many of her skills, made Empowered circle groups for other women and trained with her as a relationship coach. Though I didn’t substitute my mindbody/somatic skills for her training techniques, I do use her intimacy skills often and suggest them to my clients as well. There is much to gain.
As women, we have the choice to tune into our bodies and use emotional processing and releasing techniques to access the wisdom within our emotions. We can respect what our feelings of anger, resentment, grief, sadness, disappointment, and even joy are telling us. We can make ourselves more safe and trusting of who we are and come home to our bodies.
At the same time, using Laura Doyle’s skills help us communicate more effectively with our husbands. There is less criticism, less shaming and blaming and more gratitude. A much better vibe of positivity and understanding embraces the home. There is increased emotional safety for both husband and wife.With this safety and peace, comes connection, kindness and love.
See if you can relate to this: our minds can google all kinds of evidence to the wrong doings being done to us. And certainly our husbands are not perfect. Even mine being a Marriage and Family therapist is not perfect (although he may disagree!). But in all honesty, we’re human and all of us make mistakes. The beauty in the apology is just taking accountability for what we could have done better and communicated differently. Perhaps we could have processed some of our “shoulding” (PLEASE READ: A Quiz! How Defensive is Your Husband?) energy and chosen a kinder energy. We’re noticing and taking responsibility for how we may not have shown up in our highest selves.
This is what we are apologizing for — we don’t have to take responsibility for the entire conflict that we are having but we can find our parts that participated or added to the negativity that occurred.
Now there is one process that I will not skip—and that is the emotional process. If I’ve been triggered by the conflict or by what preceded the conflict, I will take the time to process and release my emotions (The ROAR Process is great for doing that!). After hearing my body’s wisdom as well as some intuitive, higher self wisdom, I’ll see where I can take responsibility and apologize for that.
Perhaps I requested something from my husband with a touch of resentment or bitterness and my husband felt that wave of intense energy come through the words. People can feel energy even if your words seem neutral. And many husbands in particular are allergic to shaming energy (see article link in previous paragraph).
Perhaps I forgot my husband’s love language and just used my love language and this helped add to the conflict.
Perhaps I was right that he should have, could have, or shouldn’t have…. but is there a little piece that I can own? I desire peace in my home. I desire emotional safety and kindness. I desire connection, a smooth flow of compromise—giving and receiving. Did my words or actions convey that desire or could I have handled it better? And if I had a lot of “should” energy could I have taken the time to do some processing around that?
Sigh. Probably the answer is “yes” to at least one of these pieces. And then this is the space in which I can apologize. This goes a long way in bringing us together.
But if your husband is a regular guy with some shame issues and some allergies to negative judgment then apologizing for your part in the conflict will bring about magical results. Humility is a virtue in marriages where accommodating energy is so important. Here is the mysticism behind that— a quote from my newly released memoir, God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife :“When the world was first created, there was chaos—a spiritual space of chaos, with different energies existing. The Kabbalists teach that these energies had no tolerance for each other; they were very aggressive, giving no room for the existence of the other. So then, God made a world of moderation, and that is our world. A world that can accommodate a multitude of energies. A world of collaboration. Marriage is of this energy, an accommodating energy.” P.249
Apology is a great choice to make and your higher self will thank you!
Exciting news to share! My memoir, God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife is out! It was an 8 year long journey of getting it out into the world, but a worthwhile one indeed to share this tale of love, faith, and kabbalistic mystical happenings. Enjoy!
As a Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach, I help empower women with vitality and joy in their relationships, careers, and health. I also specialize in helping women recover from trauma, grief, anxiety, and physical/emotional pain ailments as well as access their awesome intuitive powers. Read the latest Mindbody Wellness article, 11 Life Lessons I Learned From My Garden. Download your free gift e-guide: “3 Secrets to Solve Burnout and Get Energized the Mindbody Wellness Way” (also gives access to your free download of “Escape from the Borderline/Narcissist’s Web”). Looking forward to connecting!
Sharing a few testimonials from clients whose lives have been transformed and you can check out more @ Client Love:
“I reached out to Miriam Racquel shortly after I had just gotten married as my marriage was not turning out to be the fairytale I had always dreamed it to be. Within just a few sessions I began feeling so empowered to make positive, lasting changes in my marriage that I had control over, and the wisdom I have accessed through Miriam Racquel’s help has truly transformed my marriage into the playful, passionate one that I have always desired. I love the mind-body healing work that Miriam Racquel infuses into her sessions. These practices have allowed me to release my emotions in a powerful way and give me a great sense of relief, validation, and confidence to help me move forward with love.” – N.C.G., Atlanta, Georgia
“I sought help from Miriam after a long haul of health issues and feeling stuck. She is so intuitive and generous in her support and has a wealth of knowledge and resources. She helped me dive into old traumas and safely sort and move forward. She has helped me reconnect with my body and find peace and joy again. I look forward to more explorations.” – P.W., Massachusetts
Feel free to forward to a friend and share the light of Mindbody Wellness!
Mindbody/Somatic Marriage Magic Tip : Winners or Losers?
Marriage Mindbody Magic
Dear Awesome Woman,
Every morning we have a choice. We can look at our spouse as a winner or a loser. And he can do the same for us.
We can’t control our husband’s perspective on us, but we can control how we look at him.
Now, this is a tricky thing. Our mind has many thoughts running through it, and our hearts, many feelings. But our thoughts affect our bodies and our bodies affect our thoughts.
We have choices.
With my somatic approach to marriage and all relationships, I don’t suggest ignoring what you don’t like. However, adjustments can be made, grace can be chosen, and humanness can be recognized. Paradigm shifts can be created, and resentment released.
If something that your husband does, feels cringy or uncomfortable to you — recognize that. Give yourself compassion, grace, kindness, recognition and allow yourself to not like something. That’s okay. You can even ROAR! about it (a somatic release technique I share in my book).
At the same time, recognize that Disney and Hollywood sold false expectations of the reality of relationships.
As philosopher Alain de Botton says so clearly “..the classic Romantic model has sold us on a number of self-defeating beliefs about the most essential and nuanced experiences of human life: love, infatuation, marriage ..”
Marriage, even in Judaism with the belief in “soul mates,” recognizes that conflict, growth, accepting imperfectionism, etc. is organic to the relationship itself.
As de Botton says, “My view of human nature is that all of us are just holding it together in various ways — and that’s okay, and we just need to go easy with one another, knowing that we’re all these incredibly fragile beings.”
It’s such a brave act to attempt to partner up with someone and false ideas of how relationships “should be” could lead us away from our loved ones instead of closer together.
It’s time to see you and your spouse as winners!
Somatic Tips for today:
**Do a gratitude practice daily — Have a dry erase board by your bed. In the morning before leaving your room, make it a habit to jot down this phrase: Never Take Anything For Granted — So Much Good is Happening! and then proceed to jot down 7-10 things that if they were gone today, you’d miss them. Include 3-5 things about your husband. What can you be grateful for? Entitlement is a lousy vibe; gratitude is a great one.
**Tell your husband what he gets right by you. A Whatsapp message, a thoughtful note, a sharing of words. Tell him how you see him as a winner!
**Celebrate yourself daily (read ARMS UP article!) — I shared this at two somatic workshops recently and the women loved it! I do it daily and when I don’t, I get grumpy!
**Read and Do Shadow Process! Oftentimes, what we get triggered by in someone else, we own as a shadow in ourselves. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have that icky character trait, but it does mean that we may have a similar one!
Needing one-one help? Please schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today! Sessions are over the phone and I have clients from all over the world. Marriages can slip downhill too easily, and they are too important to let that happen. If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home AND desires to be EMPOWERED as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions.
Be done with burnout, drain, and overwhelm! Get empowered with clarity, intuitive wisdom, and vitality in your relationships, career, and health through Somatic Healing.
Integrated somatic healing processes accomplish emotional/physical pain relief, trauma and anxiety release, marriage magic, dating help, painful relationship detox, and career clarity. Discover YOUR clear path to empowerment and joy now. Visit MiriamRacquel.com or make your free 20-minute Clarity Call today.
“I’m so grateful to have found this gem! As a Jewish woman, I appreciate the depth and wisdom found in the approach of somatic healing. This book is incredibly practical, with exercises and insights that are easy to apply to daily life. Highly recommend for anyone looking for practical somatic tools to deepen their mind-body connection!” – Chaya Hanoka
And enjoy my memoir,God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife, for a humorous and authentic journey into the world of Kabbalistic Judaism.
“I CANNOT put down your book 🤩🔥🥰 It’s totally captivating, enriching, deep, real, raw, genuine, humorous, I LOVE it!!… And it is very very clear that you (Miriam) were guided through this process and Hashem working THROUGH you — as you know I’m a flow/heart person—and it’s extremely rare for me these days to find something to listen to or read that feels like flow and heart and soul—so to pick up your book and get totally swept in was a real pleasant and exciting surprise!” – Nechama Schusterman, Los Altos Chabad
Feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their bodies, their emotions, and their souls.
If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and desires TO BE EMPOWERED as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions.Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.
If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and desires to be empowered as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions.Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.
“… I’m so happy that I decided to take a chance on somatic healing. Miriam’s grounded, intuitive approach has been most helpful in recognizing and overcoming old patterns of self-sabotage. I can gladly say that the work has had a positive effect both personally and professionally. Thank you, Miriam, for your insightful support and clarity!” – E, New York (More Client testimonials here!)
My husband, Dovid Feldman, LPC, and I also work together with couples. Please seeDovidFeldman.com.
“I HIGHLY recommend Miriam and Dovid’s program!!!! They are wonderful and amazing people!!” – Julie Cedano
“So happy to have found this!This is a life-changing book for women who want to live life better! Learning to process my feelings and navigate relationships and the world in a healthier way has led to much more peace and joy for me. Rather than stuffing down emotions or exploding them onto others, I now have tools and options. Miriam’s somatic guidance is profound and easy to follow. She speaks from the heart and shares her wisdom and expertise with love and compassion. I’m so happy to have found this book!” – BC
EnjoyGod Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife!Winner of the GOLD award in Nonfiction Book Awards, it is a tale of romance, humor, faith, and Kabbalistic mystical happenings! It reads like a novel (but it’s a memoir – all true!), is full of twists and turns, will inspire and make you laugh!
“This book is full of light – you can’t help but feel uplifted after reaching the conclusion. Great read for a book club – lots to discuss!” – a happy reader
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Feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their body, their emotions, and their soul.
Monday Marriage Magic Tip #116: Conversations with Men
Marriage Somatic/Mindbody Magic
Dear Awesome Woman,
The other morning, I had a lot on my mind and started to share with my husband. Mind you, this was before his coffee, but I just wanted to talk, so away I went. He’s a great listener, which I’m so appreciative of, plus a marriage and family counselor, so his listening skills are even more enhanced. But I found myself getting a bit peeved when 5 minutes into the “conversation,” he asked some questions that indicated to me that … he had missed some important details. I took a breath and tried patiently to re-fill him in on those details.
And then we started to laugh.
I sympathized with him that the way I was telling the story, very female-like with all the details, meant that he didn’t have a fighting chance to remember all of them. And that most men don’t.
We laughed that a woman is like a gatherer in the field and notices every single berry and detail that can affect her loved ones or that feels significant to her. This is estrogen-related as well as brain structure-related.
When she talks about something important to her, the story includes all the details of everything and everyone. Each detail is emotional, significant, and related to the story. In her mind.
What typically happens is that as a woman shares, the man tries to focus on one or two important details that —
#1 he’s going to get in trouble for not remembering.
#2 are important logically to the story. What is the point of her sharing?
He’s asking himself, “what help can I be?; what solution does she need?; what can I fix?” His testosterone keeps him singularly focused, and his lack of nerve fibers, which connect the left and right sides of the brain, keeps him in problem-solving mode and task-orientation.
Plus, his cortisol levels are heightened by the fact that he knows he’s going to get in trouble for what she’ll think of as “not listening,” “not being focused,” “not caring enough about her,” or “being a poor communicator.” She will put him on trial for being a bad husband. Dog house, here we come!
My husband and I had a good laugh about this phenomenon that we often hear from clients and sometimes fall into.
But seriously, since “poor communication” may be something you complain about with your husband and find yourselves often bickering and left resentful, please reach out for a free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call. Your marriage is the foundation of your state of mind and peace for the family. It deserves to be a great marriage.
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If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and desires TO BE EMPOWERED as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions.Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.
If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and desires to be empowered as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions.Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.
“… I’m so happy that I decided to take a chance on somatic healing. Miriam’s grounded, intuitive approach has been most helpful in recognizing and overcoming old patterns of self-sabotage. I can gladly say that the work has had a positive effect both personally and professionally. Thank you, Miriam, for your insightful support and clarity!” – E, New York (More Client testimonials here!)
My husband, Dovid Feldman, LPC, and I also work together with couples. Please seeDovidFeldman.com.
“I HIGHLY recommend Miriam and Dovid’s program!!!! They are wonderful and amazing people!!” – Julie Cedano
“So happy to have found this!This is a life-changing book for women who want to live life better! Learning to process my feelings and navigate relationships and the world in a healthier way has led to much more peace and joy for me. Rather than stuffing down emotions or exploding them onto others, I now have tools and options. Miriam’s somatic guidance is profound and easy to follow. She speaks from the heart and shares her wisdom and expertise with love and compassion. I’m so happy to have found this book!” – BC
EnjoyGod Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife!Winner of the GOLD award in Nonfiction Book Awards, it is a tale of romance, humor, faith, and Kabbalistic mystical happenings! It reads like a novel (but it’s a memoir – all true!), is full of twists and turns, will inspire and make you laugh!
“This book is full of light – you can’t help but feel uplifted after reaching the conclusion. Great read for a book club – lots to discuss!” – a happy reader
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Feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their body, their emotions, and their soul.
Marriage Magic Tip #106: Do I Always Use Laura Doyle? No! Use These Somatic Tips for a Better Marriage.
Marriage Mindbody Magic
Dear Awesome Woman,
As many of you may know, I’m a Laura Doyle trained relationship coach on top of my Martha Beck training and Somatic/Mindbody Master training. But I don’t always use Laura Doyle in my coaching or in my marriage.
Life is nuanced. Marriage is nuanced. Relationships can be tricky to navigate because each human being is so different from one another. As I tell my clients, we have different lanes that we’re driving in. Your husband has one lane. You have another.
In your husband’s lane—there are his thoughts, feelings, emotions, childhood wounds, childhood adaptions, past life adaptations (yes, I believe we’ve been here before as souls in bodies), values, and ideas.
In your lane, there are your thoughts, feelings, emotions, childhood wounds, childhood adaptions, past life adaptations, values, and ideas.
On your side of the net, you are you and on his side, he is him.
How the heck are we supposed to live together, raise families, make money, deal with the big stuff and little stuff, and have a semblance of love and peace? It’s a miracle when we go that marriage mile and have breezy moments of connection, joy, and harmony with the one we have committed ourselves to.
When there’s conflict, here are somatic tips and communication techniques that may work for your marriage and give you additional skills to get closer to your spouse. And remember, if you don’t do anything different, nothing will change. But if you take tiny turtle steps forward with slight shifts, a lot can change for the better. I’ve done this journey and continue to do so and my clients have as well. Miracles are waiting.
Step 1: If mad, disappointed, frustrated, do the somaticROAR! Process — get it out on paper and in private. Do movement as the process requires. After releasing, listen for any intuition that pops into your right brain.
Step 2: Do the somaticShadow Process(blog post walks you thru this exercise).
Step 3: Try the following for having effective communication around the situation (take notes beforehand and come with your paper for smoother sailing) —
***Give a gratitude for what you do appreciate about him (his character or how he shows up for you).
***Relate the event or situation that happened and perhaps what had been agreed upon by the two of you. Please do not use the words, “always, never, I can’t trust you.”
***Tell him the story that you tell yourself about the situation. Remember this is your take on things. He’s got a whole other lane.
***Tell him the emotions that came up for you: sad, fearful, vulnerable, frustrated, feeling unimportant, not cared for in the moment.
***State what you’d like in the future — “I’d like…”
May you have lots of success using these techniques and remember you are an awesome being! Love yourself a lot, do self-care, and speak to yourself and others kindly.
Need a helping hand? If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and desires TO BE EMPOWERED as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions.Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today!
“These have been the most freeing and life-changing sessions I’ve ever had! Miriam is magic!” – A.H., Colorado
“So happy to have found this!This is a life-changing book for women who want to live life better! Learning to process my feelings and navigate relationships and the world in a healthier way has led to much more peace and joy for me. Rather than stuffing down emotions or exploding them onto others, I now have tools and options. Miriam’s somatic guidance is profound and easy to follow. She speaks from the heart and shares her wisdom and expertise with love and compassion. I’m so happy to have found this book!” – BC
EnjoyGod Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife!Winner of the GOLD award in Nonfiction Book Awards, it is a tale of romance, humor, faith, and Kabbalistic mystical happenings! It reads like a novel (but it’s a memoir – all true!), is full of twists and turns, will inspire and make you laugh!
“This book is full of light – you can’t help but feel uplifted after reaching the conclusion. Great read for a book club – lots to discuss!” – a happy reader
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Feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their body, their emotions, and their soul.
A few years ago, I was at the Miami Book Fair selling my book,God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife. It was a remarkable experience meeting new readers and enjoying connection with other writers in nearby booths.
I often tell my clients that it’s impossible to know what is going on in someone else’s life and that point was made very clear again on this trip. My booth was next to a man who was actually at the fair selling his wife’s book. She was engaged elsewhere (doing a presentation and selling her book at another event). The book was very beautiful — a gigantic, coffee table/recipe book about health and plant-based living. The pictures were stunning and all taken in Bali.
This woman’s husband was quite remarkable. He was a high-end architect and businessman and yet that day, he had lugged many boxes of these large, bulky books. With a smile, he set up his booth, posters and all. He put his heart and soul into being available and explaining over and over again to potential customers his wife’s philosophy and the beauty of her book. It was in color and sold for $100+.
I knew what it meant for this husband to do what he did. My husband was also so generous with his time and energy in helping me shlep my books and sell them. It definitely was an act of love, care, and support!
When customers were not stopping by, my husband (a gregarious type) started a conversation with our booth-neighbor. In speaking, my husband shared that he was a family and marriage therapist.
How surprised I was to hear that when this man opened up to my husband, he shared that his wife had recently asked for a divorce!
It was impossible for me to grasp that this spouse who lovingly and kindly sold his wife’s books, and spoke with such support of the plant-based food his wife made (all raw) and the super healthy lifestyle they lived, was being asked for a divorce.
My heart hurt for him!
My husband was also shocked and asked, “Why? The man said, “I truly don’t know.” He admitted that perhaps there were some resentments built up but nothing that he isn’t willing to go for therapy to get the help they need. She refuses. And they share children together to whom she had already announced the divorce.
Honestly, I don’t know the wife’s side of the story. However, some things that the husband shared are part of a very sad, yet typical trend in society that my husband, Dovid Feldman(Marriage Program) and I see in the marriage work we do.
My husband has a very large Twitter following and many men either DM him or vulnerably open up on the phone to him about the state of their marriages. They often share what this booth-neighbor shared: many years (4+) of no physical intimacy with their wives, a feeling of unclarity over what the issues are and a sense of despair because the wife is unwilling to:
1) taking any accountability for issues (“I’m just fine, you’re the problem”; “it’s all your fault”)
2) go for help.
I understand that marriage is complex — I’ve lived it myself. I also understand that most marriage counseling is not only unhelpful but makes things much worse for the couple and can lead to divorce.
That being said, this woman’s group of friends are mostly divorced. They’re “awakened”, health focused women. And yet, to me, there’s nothing “awakened” or healthy about not making space and time for the possibility of saving a marriage especially if children are involved. (Of course, if the partner is very toxic with a Grandiose/Borderline personality disorder and isn’t willing to get help or change, then divorce is a gateway for saving your soul. That being said, I have been fortunate to coach women in very difficult relationships, and such amazing shifts and healing take place. Miracles happen though again, divorce is sometimes the only option.)
Marriage Magic Tips today:
1.Get help early if your marriage is not doing well or if you’re feeling unhappy. My program with my husband is set up very differently from the typical counseling because vulnerability and emotional safety for the couple are key. We have tremendous respect for the foundation of the marriage and hold it sacred as we skillfully meet individually (over zoom or phone) with each spouse and do the together-sessions with care.Make a Clarity Call with my husband orme (for individual sessions or for the program). Invest the time, energy, wisdom, and care that you and your marriage need.
2. If you’re hanging out with a lot of divorced women who blame their ex-spouses for everything, be careful of being in that atmosphere. There may be a lack of self-reflection on their part and that’s not healthy for you. Only in cases of a spouse being Borderline/Grandiose, is it truly not the victim’s fault. Otherwise, we’re all human and stupid/blind/imperfect in many ways. We’ve got to own that whether we’re single, married, or divorced.
3. Sex. If you’re not having it at least a few times a month, and unless there are physical conditions, then the marriage needs a pick-me-up. Get help. Husbands are not meant to be just roommates. The Somatic Healing I provide with clients helps release resentment, trauma etc. and can revive the marriage bed.
4. If you’re finding yourself opening up to another man — maybe a co-worker, a neighbor, a “friend” on social media, or a past acquaintance, please beware. Fantasy is not reality and the risks to your home base are unbearable. Check out:Monday Marriage Magic Tip #46: The Fabelmans — Women & Affairs
Love yourself enough to have a life that can be beautiful and shared together with your spouse.
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If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy a peaceful marriage and home and desires to be empowered as an individual, join hundreds of other women who have gotten the help they needed through Somatic/Mindbody sessions.Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.
“… I’m so happy that I decided to take a chance on somatic healing. Miriam’s grounded, intuitive approach has been most helpful in recognizing and overcoming old patterns of self-sabotage. I can gladly say that the work has had a positive effect both personally and professionally. Thank you, Miriam, for your insightful support and clarity!” – E, New York (More Client testimonials here!)
My husband, Dovid Feldman, LPC, and I also work together with couples. Please seeDovidFeldman.com.
“I HIGHLY recommend Miriam and Dovid’s program!!!! They are wonderful and amazing people!!” – Julie Cedano
“So happy to have found this!This is a life-changing book for women who want to live life better! Learning to process my feelings and navigate relationships and the world in a healthier way has led to much more peace and joy for me. Rather than stuffing down emotions or exploding them onto others, I now have tools and options. Miriam’s somatic guidance is profound and easy to follow. She speaks from the heart and shares her wisdom and expertise with love and compassion. I’m so happy to have found this book!” – BC
EnjoyGod Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife!Winner of the GOLD award in Nonfiction Book Awards, it is a tale of romance, humor, faith, and Kabbalistic mystical happenings! It reads like a novel (but it’s a memoir – all true!), is full of twists and turns, will inspire and make you laugh!
“This book is full of light – you can’t help but feel uplifted after reaching the conclusion. Great read for a book club – lots to discuss!” – a happy reader
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Feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their body, their emotions, and their soul.
Sexual intimacy is such a big part of marriage…until it’s not. Though marriage is not a roommate situation with the opposite gender, it can turn into that if there are emotional, physical, and marital issues.
Through newsletters and sessions, I provide assistance that targets all these areas so that sexual intimacy becomes more healthily woven into the fabric of marriages. The marriage section of mySomatic Healing book is detailed with somatic tips including release processes for daily greater health and joy.
Here’s an edited tidbit from the book exclusively focused on sex:
TIP #7: SEXUAL INTIMACY
How fortunate a woman is to be married and to feel basic trust and emotional safety just from that commitment alone. That being said, sexual intimacy can be a huge point of contention in marriages.
There may be leftover resentment from disagreements, hard feelings from fights. and just plain exhaustion from busy days. The first six marriage tips shared (*in the Marriage chapter of the book) should hopefully increase health through self-care, lessen conflict and, G-d willing, create a more peaceful, loving relationship—one filled with more connection and emotional safety.
Sexual intimacy is another important element of creating and nurturing emotional safety in your relationship. As Jennie Rosenfeld and David Ribner, authors of The Newlywed’s Guide to Physical Intimacy, write so well,
Your enjoyment as sexual partners is more than just physical; it can bring you to a place of closeness with another person that no other experience can provide. Your sharing of physical intimacy creates an emotional bond that should include feelings of trust, acceptance, caring, and mutuality. Your intimate relationship, which includes your sexual and emotional attachments, is the glue that binds your marriage together. (Rosenfeld and Ribner, 2011)
Sometimes a husband is more desirous of sexual intimacy than the wife. There are biological, chemical, hormonal. and energetic explanations for this. As energy practitioner Donna Eden explains, “Energetically, arousal for a man quickly ignites the genitals, and the energy moves up toward the heart and warms it. For a woman, arousal starts in the mind or heart and then travels to the genitals.”
This illustrates even more so why a woman needs to feel safe with her husband and emotionally cared for by him in order to even want to have sexual relations—for her it begins in her mind and heart. It also helps us understand why self-care is so important; a woman must have the space in her being to choose to be together with her husband.
That being said, there may be times a woman does not “feel” like being together with her husband. Try out these perspectives and suggestions:
—Look at sexual intimacy as an opportunity to receive. When I trained in Laura Doyle’s relationship coaching program, “receiving” was a term emphasized—receiving the pleasure of being touched and desired by your husband. Express the desire for back rubs as part of the intimacy times and enjoy having the tension of the day rubbed away.
—Make intimacy date nights.Spontaneity may not work in many marriages. Plan ahead of time with your husband certain nights that you’ll be together. This will also be a plus for emotional safety for your husband—he won’t have to risk rejection. Also know that biologically, a woman’s sexual desire is usually ignited once physical contact begins as opposed to a man’s, whose desire may start beforehand. Mark Gungor has afunny Youtube video about this. Make sure that you’re doing your self-care and garnering help from your husband, especially if you have little kids, in order to be able to show up on those nights. And I know that life can be very complicated with lots of worries on your mind, but you’ll need to put those away for a time when you’ve committed to being with your husband. Being a worry machine all the time isn’t good for you, nor for any relationship that you’re in. Just like at work, you prioritize. At home with your husband, you’ll need to do that as well.
—Know that you are fortifying the glue of your marriage and shalom bayis (peace in the home). This is another gold coin in your marriage bank account. Your willingness and receptivity will be appreciated. Since marriage is a holy institution, you are serving Hashem (G-d) in this act.
—Keep in mind that it’s disrespectful and unkind to constantly turn a husband down. If there are hard feelings and resentments, then seek help. My husband and I have a couple’s workshop, and many couples come to us when there hasn’t been sexual intimacy in a year or even years, and that’s not a marriage, really. A marriage does involve sexual intimacy; that’s the difference between roommates and marriage. Hard feelings require being worked through, unless you desire a divorce.
—Know that hormonally, your husband feels emotionally connected to you through the sexual act. This is because of the oxytocin being released. You may feel emotionally connected to your husband through words, gifts, kindnesses, and help with chores. Again, for a man, his heart is warmed by sexual intimacy.
Donna Eden explains that, “Oxytocin, the “tend and befriend” hormone, is associated with women bonding with one another and nurturing their families. And indeed, it is often ten times as concentrated in women’s bodies as in men’s. Except at one particular time—during orgasm. That’s when men get to have a deep bonding moment. Their oxytocin jumps to five times normal levels. (Eden and Feinstein, 2008)”
This means that men feel loved through the sexual act—their oxytocin dictates that feeling. All that stuff that he does for you as your partner—going to work, helping around the house and with the kids, listening to you when you share about your worries and issues—are ways that he shows his love and care for you and the family. Your appreciation and saying “thank you” in return are important, but when you make time to be together with him, bonding sexually, it is really the way he feels that you love and care about him.
—There are natural products to use for lubrication and dryness. Organic apricot oil is one such product; and another, called Neu Eve, was especially formulated by gynecologists to help with dryness, which can especially be an issue after menopause. Neu Eve is made of natural ingredients and can help heal tissues. These products are easy to purchase online.
Sexuality can be a source of pleasure. This can even be part of your self-care! As Avraham Peretz Friedman (from a Jewish perspective) writes in his book Marital Intimacy,
The Torah’s view of sexuality is a perfect illustration of the general Torah attitude towards the physical world and its pleasures: The Seer of Lublin (Rabbi Yaakov Yitzchak Horowitz, 1745-1815) emphasized that a person must feel and express gratitude to the Almighty when experiencing sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure, like all physical pleasure, the Seer explained, is an opportunity to feel gratitude to G-d. (Friedman, 1996, p.13)
And, “… the sexual relationship between husband and wife is the vehicle for achieving a very great spiritual goal: the pleasure that results propels the marital relationship to higher levels of solidity and vitality—beyond what intellectual interaction alone could accomplish.”
If enjoyment in the sexual realm is difficult for you, please reach out for help. You are not in this alone. Somatic healing can be of great assistance. You and your marriage are worth it!
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Desiring a peaceful marriage and home and remaining empowered as an individual?Schedule your free 20-minute Marriage Magic Call today.As a Somatic Healer, Marriage Coach, and Trauma & Anxiety Specialist, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition in their relationships, career, and health.
“I am deeply grateful for her work and the positive effects it has had on my difficult relationships. Thank you, Miriam!!! Our work is helping me in ways I could have never imagined.” – S.Z., Massachusetts
“These have been the most freeing and life-changing sessions I’ve ever had! Miriam is magic!” – A.H., Colorado
“Miriam Racquel has the unique ability to invite you to HEAL. Releasing pain, dismantling mental distortions and replacing those with truths, and gaining new perspectives improved my emotional well-being, physical health, and personal/family relationships. She is a pleasure to work with: I leave smiling and encouraged! She has breadth of training & resources, which I’m grateful to continue to learn from. Thank you, Miriam Racquel!” – L.H., Utah
In addition, together with my husband Dovid Feldman, L.P.C., I offer a marriage program for couples. Please see DovidFeldman.com.
And make sure you’re receiving bi-monthly Tuesday Somatic Wellness tips by downloading your free e-guide “3 Secrets to Solving Burnout and Getting Energized the Mindbody Wellness Way”(also gives access to your free download of “Escape from the Toxic Relationship Web” and the Recording: How to Marry the Right Guy the First Time (or 2nd or 3rd).
“A must read!!! Every woman should have this book in their home!!! Every single page is packed with information and exercises that give healing and empowerment. Thank you Miriam for another fantastic read!!” – S. Gopin
“This book was so inspiring, the story draws you in from the first page to the last, bringing you along her life transformation. I’m so grateful to Miriam Raquel for sharing her story with us, and I highly recommend this book!!” – C. Carlbach
Please feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their body, their emotions, and their soul.
Sending love and blessings,
Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
Master Mindbody/Somatic Healer, Marriage Coach, Trauma & Anxiety Specialist
